My beautiful baby,
You came into this world unexpected and somewhat wildly. Birthing you was not easy but I’m so thankful for every single second I have been able to spend with you. Having you has been the best and most exhausting adventure of my life.
You take my breath away in the moments I least expect it. Just a random glance at you and I find myself baffled that somehow you are mine. Seeing your dad pop out in your smile, your mannerisms and in your joy only makes me love you more. Seeing myself in your personality, and your eyes, makes me feel like our souls are connected.
It’s hard to even imagine having another baby join us, because you have so fully completed our family. There is no void in our hearts that need filling with another baby. If we just had you, it would still be everything we could possibly ask for and more.
Sometimes I wonder if I am doing you a disservice by having another baby so soon. I wonder if you will feel less loved, if our relationship will change, or if you will try to attach to someone else for the attention you once got fully from me.
Sometimes I think to myself, gosh, we should have waited so you wouldn’t have to share your parents so young.
But my sweet boy, I rest in the fact that God makes no mistakes in His creation and His plan. This sibling is supposed to join us, and though there is no void in our family, I believe an even greater amount of love will be experienced with our new addition. I know you will love him or her, because you are a lover. And even though thinking about sharing my time with another baby can sometimes break my heart, it also brings me a whole new level of excitement when I think about you as a big brother. A role model. A guide. A protector. A best friend. My prayer is that your sibling will bring you more joy, laughter and love then I ever could.
I also want you to know that even if you gain another 100 siblings after this, you will always be my first.
You will always be my first memory of the incredible surge of emotion that occurs when you hold your baby for the first time. You were the first to help me explore the world of motherhood and learn the ins and outs of caring for a baby. It is your sweet face, your giggles, your love, that got me through the most exhausting days of my life. You walked with me through all my first mom-fails (and will continue to do so). You are always going to be the one who first exploded my heart with a joy and love I didn’t know could exist.
You are the one who gave me the name “mom”.
Things will change, and there will inevitably be more chaos. But one thing will remain the same: my love for you. In fact, it will continue to grow.
No one will ever replace your spot in my heart. Thank you for being the one who first changed my life in the best way possible. I am forever better because of you.