In the time of greatest fear, I was shown the greatest compassion.

My baby died. It sounds rather blunt to hear it like that, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth.  One minute I was walking towards the doctor’s office excited to find out if I was having a boy or a girl, and the next I was walking out of that office, devastated beyond belief.

I found out I was pregnant a few days before Easter, right in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. My feelings were all over the place, happy, scared, angry, excited. For 18 weeks, I planned what I would do to ensure my baby girl was born in an environment as healthy as possible. And yes, my heart told me it was a girl, mothers are right about these things.

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I lay down on the recliner, and the ultrasound tech prepared to start the anatomy scan.

She hadn’t taken more than three pictures when she abruptly stood up, muttered something about getting the doctor, and ran from the room.

The doctor came in after about 10 minutes, I found out later she was trying to get a hold of my primary OB-GYN and inform the office of what had happened.  

The doctor explained to me there was no heartbeat, and the baby was not moving. I crumpled into a ball and sobbed. For a minute, she tried to console me, but I couldn’t even look at her.

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And then, she did something I never would have expected her to do in the midst of a pandemic. She hugged me.

I was so shocked, I couldn’t move. And then, I hugged her back.

Many people would come forward to help me within the next few months. My parents helped by taking care of my other children when I could barely take care of myself. My friends started an operation to bring me meals, things with which to pamper myself, toys for my children, and willing ears to listen.

But of all the things people did, that hug stood out the most.  

In an age where we are told to be six feet apart, to stay far away, one doctor broke all of that out of compassion for a grieving mother. The ironic part is I don’t even remember this doctor’s name. The doctor who normally worked there was on vacation, and this doctor was filling in.

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In a time where anyone could be a danger, I was brought close. In a time where so much anger is alive, I was shown understanding. In a time of so much hate, I was shown love. In the time of greatest fear, I was shown the greatest compassion.

Amy Gray

Amy Gray is a twenty-something heart mom, who lives somewhere on the East coast, with her husband, and almost two children.  You can find her chasing a toddler, making yet another trip to the craft store, or pushing that load of laundry off to the side.