Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Please, don’t tell her how to grieve . . .

She’s in the kitchen washing dishes with her back to you. You approach her with two cups in hand. Fingerprints smeared on the glass. A good few gulps of milk left sloshing around. You place them beside the sink and look to her apologetically.

She doesn’t notice you.

Steam rises from the faucet, and scorching water runs over her hands as she absently scrubs at an already clean pot. Her eyes are not on the sink but trained out the window.

You follow her gaze to a red bird flitting about in a bush at the back corner of the yard. You look back at her to see her expression has clouded over. Her eyes, heavy with sorrow, slowly blink.

Once that first tear escapes, her face crumbles.

Suddenly the dishes are the least of your concerns.

It’s back again.

You’ve been tiptoeing around it because it gets messy every time it resurfaces.

RELATED: We Can’t Talk People Out Of Their Grief, But We Can Sit With Them Through it

You’ve used up so much strength to support her because the world goes all pear-shaped whenever she falls apart.

And you’ve found yourself wondering . . .

When will she get over it?

When will she stop crying?

When will the memories stop tormenting her?

When will she finally move on?

I know you want to tell her it will be OK, that we all lose someone we love.

I know you want her to know you feel her pain and that time will heal.

I know you want to say something. Anything.

But above all, please, don’t tell her how to grieve.

When she cries, don’t try to quell her tears. She’s not drowning in them. She’s swimming through thoughts of the love they shared.

When she talks of them, don’t try to change the subject because you think it’s too painful. It’s more painful to bury the memories.

RELATED: To the Woman Who Called Me Sick For Talking About My Children Who Died

And as the days pass, don’t ask her to move on. She’s not stuck. They are a part of her and she’s a part of them. Death could not undo that. Time will not undo that.

The tears will soon stop flowing and may not return again until tomorrow, or in a month, or in 20 years. But someday, they will come again because the love they shared will stay with her for always.

There’s nothing you can say, nothing you can tell her that will change that.

So please, don’t tell her how to grieve.

Just hold her hand. Listen to her stories. And walk beside her through the sorrow.

You may not be the one she’s missing, but you’re the one she has left.

Your quiet presence may be all she needs to make it through.

Originally published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Mehr Piracha Lee

I’m a writer, wife, and mom of two navigating motherhood with careful attention to keep my children grounded, empowered, and even a little wild. I write Raise Her Wild to inspire and connect with other moms (and dads) walking the same path. You can also find me on Facebook & Twitter.

Marry the Person Who Loves You Through Grief

In: Grief, Loss, Marriage
Man holding crying woman

I’ve read countless “Marry the Person Who . . .” articles. All have held truth. All have held beauty. However, after enduring the loss of my mother, grief made my list much different than the ones I’ve read.  Grief taught me important components of relationships and love. Grief revealed new aspects of my husband’s love and support I never knew I needed but became so grateful to possess. Items I never had on any dating wishlist. Items that aren’t romantic or glamorous, but important and necessary.  RELATED: Marry the Man Who Does the Little Things Grief taught me to ....

Keep Reading

This is Grief

In: Grief, Loss
This is Grief www.herviewfromhome.com

It’s like being thrown into a stormy sea. The waves lift you and throw you until it’s impossible to catch your breath. The sky is dark. You look around and see no land in sight. You wonder when the waves will subside but there is no end in sight. You are physically and mentally exhausted. But one day, the waves will, for the briefest of moments, subside . . . allowing you to catch your breath. For a moment, you think of something else. It may only be for a moment, but you cherish the relief. And then, the waves...

Keep Reading

Can You Love Me While I’m Breaking?

In: Faith, Grief
Sad woman

“Be happy.” “Don’t be angry.” “Be thankful.” “Let it go.” “Move on.” “Don’t cry.” As if I weren’t trying. As if the thief had not come and taken it all away. As if I weren’t desperately clinging to what remained. As if I were a child holding on to my favorite toy. As if there were a timeline. As if tears were not the very evidence that I was still a living, breathing soul. Grief. It is so beautifully grotesque. RELATED: This is Grief Nothing else in life will show you who you are from the inside out like grief...

Keep Reading