So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

Our marriage is not 50/50.

Like, not even close.

There is nothing equal about our moments, our days, our responsibilities.

Because we decided L O N G ago that 50/50?

Well, it just doesn’t work for us.

For when my daddy was ill and cancer was destroying the last little bit of life that he had left.

I didn’t have 50% in me to give.

When he was starting that new job and was consumed day and night by getting in all that he could learn.

He didn’t have 50% in him to give.

When I was recovering from giving birth to a child and spent all night nursing said child.

I didn’t have 50% in me to give.

RELATED: God Designed Marriage To Be Sacrificial

When his best friend unexpectedly passed away, and he had to learn how to live a life without someone that he thought he would have for another 40 years.

He didn’t have 50% to give.

Sure, some days look like 50/50.

I’ll cook the dinner as he sets the table.

I’ll do the dishes as he sweeps the floor.

I’ll do homework with one as he does it with another.

But we have chosen to never keep score.

For there are days when that scoreboard will be in his favor; there are days when it will be in mine.

RELATED: Marriage Will Never Make You Happy

But scoreboards?

They work for soccer, basketball, baseball.

They work for games.

They don’t work for relationships.

A relationship is one day showing up with 80% and giving grace when your favorite can only show up with 20%.

A relationship is one day showing up with 30% while giving thanks to your favorite who is showing up with 70%.

Relationships are about recognizing as partners who needs what and when.

Don’t keep score.

Just love as much as you can, whenever you can.

The rest will fall in to place.

RELATED: Dear Husband, Fall Back in Love With Me

This post originally appeared on Love Always, Heather

 

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Heather Delaney

Heather is a wife and mother of three, who is crazy passionate about motherhood, marriage, and sisterhood. She loves hot mugs, heart rambles, and really good pasta. You can follow along with her adventures either on Facebook, or on Instagram.     

Your Marriage Can’t Sit in a Laundry Basket without Getting a Few Wrinkles

In: Faith, Marriage
Couple doing laundry in front of washing machine

Bring on the bottled scent of fresh mountain breeze and seaside lavender. I’ll happily perform the swivel dance of transferring clothes from washer to dryer. I’ll hang those darlings with delicate personalities to gently air dry. I don’t mind the doing part. I’ll do laundry ’til the cows come home. It’s the folding part that I tend to put off. The cows have come home and gone to pasture several times, and that basket of clothes is most likely still sitting there developing more wrinkles than a baby bulldog.  And don’t even get me started on ironing. Let’s just say...

Keep Reading

To the Woman Who Stole My Husband

In: Living, Marriage
Woman looking off into distance, viewed from behind in a field

A letter to the woman who took my husband of 19 years, It’s been a little over two years now since you came in and like a thief in the night, took what I held dearest to me. My husband. Rather, that’s how I saw it.  I’ll never forget finding out about you, and you would be just another one he’d found. I was bound and determined to tell you to go away, and you would listen.  But you didn’t.  And he chose you over our newborn baby girl and four other children I had with him during the 20...

Keep Reading

His Affair and Our Divorce Still Make Me Cry

In: Living, Marriage
Sad woman sitting on floor by window

It’s a random Thursday. I’ve been crying all day. I can hear the students at my daughter’s elementary school up the block squealing, they must be outside for recess. It’s February and while the morning was gray and cold, it’s now almost 60 and sunny. Not normal for February in New Jersey. But to be honest, for over a year now my entire life has been anything but normal.  You see, 13 months ago my then-husband decided to come clean about the affair I had suspected he was having. He slowly walked down the stairs as our only daughter was...

Keep Reading

A Daddy Is Loved and Needed

In: Living, Marriage
Dad helping daughter push lawnmower, color photo

My daughter has severe anxiety when my husband has business trips out of town. When bedtime hits, she just cries and cries. She doesn’t quite understand why she’s scared or why she’s sad or why she feels like it’s scarier without Daddy, but I understand. As I comforted her tonight I got to thinking about how much daddies do for their children without even realizing it.  My daughter knows Daddy and Mommy are her protectors, but when Daddy is gone she can sense the tension I have from having all of the nighttime protector duties on my shoulders. Even though...

Keep Reading

This Second Love Is Worth It All

In: Marriage
Man and woman smiling, color photo

Your second love . . . the one that came after your first love ended in divorce after 22 years. That love is completely different from the first.  I married my high school sweetheart. Back 20-something years ago, I thought he hung the moon and everything in between. But the red flags I turned my head to then—they could have all decorated a carnival very nicely.  When my marriage ended after baby number five was born, I didn’t know how life would ever go on again for me. I sat there crying in disbelief—I could never love again. He was...

Keep Reading

I’m Happy for You But I’m Still Grieving: Remarriage after Loss

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss, Marriage
Coupe holding hands at wedding, close up black and white image

“I take you for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death does us part.” Remarriage is beautiful and redemptive. Remarriage proves that second chances are possible and that love doesn’t come in one specific shape or size. Remarriage is the embrace of hope as much as it is of love. Remarriage shows that love is still possible through heartbreak. But let’s face it, when you aren’t the one remarrying, remarriage can be a little awkward. Add in that you are the progeny...

Keep Reading

They Rarely Ask, but Dads Need Breaks Too

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Daddy pulling wagon with kids over bridge, color photo

As a stay-at-home mom of two under five, there is one text I often look forward to during the week from my husband: Hey, babe. I’m headed home. I muttered, “Oh, thank goodness,” when his text popped up on my phone. It was a wait by the window to watch him pull in so I can get a head start on my alone time kind of day. He pulled into the driveway but didn’t immediately come in. After several minutes, he walked through the door and was met by an exasperated wife and two screaming children. I gave him a...

Keep Reading

You’re the One I Want to Raise My Babies with

In: Baby, Marriage
Mom and dad holding young daughter kiss

We didn’t realize the far-reaching effects of having our first child. We dreamed, planned, and imagined what our future life would be like with our daughter. What we couldn’t begin to understand is how much time would be taken away from us as a team. Our love of hiking still exists. Our love of travel still exists. Our love of quietly watching a movie still exists. But our priorities have shifted to spending as much time with our baby as possible. RELATED: Having a Baby Changes Everything in Marriage Parenting can be all-consuming. It takes every spare breath, every bit...

Keep Reading

I Married My Best Friend So I’ll Never Walk Alone

In: Marriage
Man and woman touch foreheads

I called and told you she wasn’t doing well. I had to go to see her and that meant I wouldn’t be available for daycare pick-up and probably wouldn’t make it home for dinner. You said okay. I went to her, saw my family, and sat for a while. Meanwhile, you left work. You planned dinner, picked up the kids, talked to the teacher. After driving home, you cooked dinner, as you always do. Eventually, you sent me a text to ask how she was doing, how I was doing. As I stopped for a quick dinner with my sister,...

Keep Reading

I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me It’s Okay to Go to Bed Angry

In: Marriage
Couple with backs to each other in bed looking at phones

When my husband and I got married at the very young age of 22, I remember receiving a lot of advice from family members. One of the most common pieces of advice we received was, “Don’t go to bed angry.” As a marriage and family therapist—and someone who has been married for over a decade—I can say: It is okay to go to bed angry with your partner. Actually, in some instances it is ideal.  Disagreements are part of healthy relationships, and disagreements in marriages can be wonderful opportunities for growth. Early in our marriage my husband and I cycled...

Keep Reading