“We just don’t have sex anymore.”
“I’m too tired to put in that much effort.”
“It really hurts to have sex after having my babies.”
“I don’t want to have sex with him; I don’t even like him.”
“This new medicine just wipes out my sex drive.”
“I just can’t get into it.”
“I’m too insecure about the way I look to be naked in front of him.”
Do any of these sound familiar? There have been times in our marriage that I have said some of these exact statements. And I don’t know where you and your spouse are at, but it’s frustrating that there just doesn’t seem to be a “quick fix” to many of these problems.
I’m going to get real with you here for a minute. Like maybe TMI real, so if that’s not your cup of tea, then this post may not be for you. But if you’re at a point in your sex life with your husband and you’re searching for something more…. something better…. then read on.
A few months after having our second child, we were still trying to get back into the groove of things. Sex wasn’t physically uncomfortable anymore, but I was emotionally drained and discouraged. In a desperate attempt to be intimate while our oldest was napping, we tried to put our baby into her pack-n-play that resided in our room and roll it out into the living room of our small two bedroom apartment. She was crying (she did this constantly for the first 4 months of her life), but we knew that we had to try and have some time to be alone; to take just a little bit of time for us, no matter how short and rushed it was.
As my husband got her settled in her crib and tried to calm her down, I hurried into the bathroom to try and get myself somewhat presentable. I ran a brush through my hair, put on some mascara and brushed my teeth. As I looked up from the sink, I starred into the mirror. “I can’t believe he would want any of this.” I sat down on the toilet seat and looked down at my naked body; my postpartum tummy was jiggly and moved in ways I thought only Jello could, my boobs were leaking milk everywhere because I was overwhelmed at hearing my baby screaming, my face was tired and no amount of makeup could ever cover the adult acne I had going on. In a mad dash, I walked into our room, threw on a bra, promptly turned off the lights, pulled up the covers up over my body and waited for my husband to come in.
I didn’t want him to look at me while I was naked.
This “routine” went on for a couple of months, and finally I just couldn’t take it any longer. After weeks of him asking if something was wrong, it all came out and I told him that I didn’t want him to see my body. As 5 postpartum chins emerged below my face, I blubbered and sobbed as I told him where my insecure heart was and how I just wanted to feel like myself again; how I wanted to feel like us.
And do you know what that man did? He prayed over me. He held me close and prayed that I would know and feel my beauty. He prayed that we would enjoy sex. He prayed that I would be confident again. Over the sobs of his jiggly wife and the screams of his colicky infant, his prayers over me gave me a starting point to let God into our sex life and restore the pieces of my insecure heart. And I can honestly say that after months of prayer and some hard conversations with my husband, the intimate part of our marriage was restored and we were (are) both more confident; in ourselves and each other.
You see ladies, when we are fighting in this war for intimacy in our marriages, we aren’t bringing the biggest piece of weaponry to the table: we aren’t praying about our sex lives. Whether you are insecure like I was, find yourself too tired to be intimate, are in a dry spell in your sex life or just have a hard heart towards your husband…. prayer. changes. everything. Including sex.
So if you’re sitting there in your chair with tears running down your face as you read this, here’s what I want you to do. Put down your phone, walk into your bedroom (you can even grab your husband if you feel comfortable), sit on your bed and pray. Pray for being confident in who God made you to be on this very day. Pray for vulnerability with your spouse. Pray for energy. Pray for sex to be a priority. Believe that God can help you to experience growth and intimacy in your marriage. Pray that if there is physical pain that it would cease. Thank Him for the gift of sex. And ladies, boldly come before God and pray for awesome sex with your husband. God created physical intimacy to be a good thing in our marriages. And I don’t think that sex was an excluded “situation” when Paul wrote the book of Philippians. And because of that, I think He cares enough to listen to our prayers about what’s going on in the bedroom.
“Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Yes, every situation. Even sex.
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