After four long years, I feel our relationship has come to an end. I doubt you are surprised by this since we have been seeing each other less and less frequently ever since 2016. But I wanted to end things between us now, before we both end up with too many regrets.
Now, I know when people say “It’s not you, it’s me,” that is usually a lie. But I graciously admit that most of the blame falls on me. After all, I have been seeing someone else…on the side. I tried as hard as I could to avoid the temptation, but I am weak, and those On-Demand workouts on my smart TV are so darn appealing.
It started out innocent enough. I would click on a few five minute ab exercises to warm me up before heading out to see you. But the weather grew colder and my basement was just so cozy. Pretty soon those five minute warm ups turned into steamy hour-long soirees. I can’t say I am proud of this, but my abs have certainly never looked better and I have saved a lot of money not buying smoothies from your delicious juice bar.
Please, don’t get me wrong. Our time together wasn’t all bad, especially in the beginning. You took my post-college, Ramen-fed booty and shaped it into the beast it is today. I truly loved our 5 a.m. meetings and looked forward to each Zumba, Spinning, and Kickboxing sweat session you threw my way. I asked you to turn me into a fit, toned, desirable young woman and you certainly delivered. Perhaps a little too well, since two years into our relationship my husband and I had a child. I guess that’s when things changed the most.
You were definitely there for me when I wanted to get my pre-baby bod back. Every time my sleep-deprived mommy brain screamed “heck-no” to paying you a visit, you cheered me on by reminding me of your glorious sauna and aqua massager. But my child grew bigger and needed more of my attention and my husband definitely wanted to see me at least one night a week. Our five times per week meet-ups quickly turned to three. Now I am lucky if I see you once a week.
Plus, you make me pay to see you and that is starting to feel a little dirty.
Overall, it is just so hard being a wife, mommy, and gym rat. I simply do not have the time to invest in all three. So, unless you decide to add childcare to your list of amenities, I have to say sorry, but you didn’t make the cut. I will remember you fondly as I work on my abs, buns, and thighs in the privacy of my own home.
Thank you for these past four years. I’m sorry, but we just aren’t working out anymore (pun definitely intended).