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We’ve made it a year with the twins. The twins are a year old. We have lived, for a year, as a {messy} family of eight. Have I mentioned it’s been a year? It has. 365 days. To be exact. The earth has now completely orbited the sun.{Takes a bow}

One of the most overwhelming feelings I had {among others}, after the twins were born, was this deep seeded fear of survival mode, again…

Remembering the seasons of having four babies in four years, two losses and so many struggles and periods of grief in between. And, if I can be honest, I was honestly looking forward to getting my footing. Well, at least as close as I could get to my footing again.

And then we had those beautiful twins. A boy and girl. Six years after we brought our youngest home, almost two years to the day after our second trimester loss, we received the most amazing gift, Finley and Elias. 

The twins’ early arrival necessitated two weeks in the NICU and then we were home. 

Back home.


To figure this whole gig out.

Ushering in, once again…

Survival Mode. 

And to be honest, the twin’s first year is so very much a blur. Endless sleepless nights, after endless sleepless night. 

And I am glad to be done with a lot of this first year. Hallelujah?! Amen.

But as I find myself inching toward increasing my capacity {Which sadly? Still isn’t much} I also find myself looking to the left and right, rather than the beautiful byproduct of survival mode, full steam ahead. 

The beauty of focusing on the needs of the day….

The beauty of shutting out the noise of the world outside and focusing on what is simply the next thing…

The beauty of figuring this hard stuff out together, as a family…

The beauty of being stuck at home, watching endless you tube clips of funny animals as a family and laughing until we cried…

The beauty of not caring about the latest workout trend or food detox…simply being ok using any free hand to eat…sometimes fistfuls of brownies…

The beauty of an unexpected meal from a friend when I was almost in tears because I didn’t have the energy to make dinner that night….

The beauty of endless family time, when we were so sick of seeing each other days upon end, but so thankful that we had each other…

The beauty of simply surviving the day…together…

The beauty of Survival Mode. 

And it has me thinking. So many people, lovingly and wisely, told us to “Get through the first year” with the twins. And so much of that is true. We can breathe, we can {somewhat} sleep, and we can {somewhat} form full sentences now.

But I also think, what if we encouraged the beauty of survival mode? What if we told each other, in hard things, “Push into this time together and let the outside world fade, it’s OK, you’re OK.”? What if instead we told each other:

“Take your time.”

“Stop and look at the people who show up in your life, thank them, rejoice in them.”

“This is hard and it’s OK, just be.”

“Watching YouTube clips, Amazon buying and bingeing  Nexflix all day is OK.”

OK, so maybe not so much the last one, even if it is true. But what if we just allowed the slow burn of Survival Mode and all its beauty to form us into the image of something greater? Something beyond ourselves? And it was OK? And it took time. A lot of time. And we had to slow down?

My boys often tell me how awesome Survival Mode in Minecraft is. My oldest recently said “Survival Mode in Minecraft is awesome, because, well, I feel like it teaches us to be in the real world. And push yourself to the limits and make amazing things.” And while watching him create in Minecraft gives me borderline seizures, I think he’s on to something that transcends Minecraft and does speak volumes about the beauty of Survival Mode. Universally. 

Maybe the next time we find someone we know or even ourselves drowning, we can remember our experience, and encourage as such, to not only “hang on” but “press into” the beauty {that can be} of Survival Mode.

Even if we’re glad it’s over.

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Kathy Jacobitz

Wife of 14 years to my college love. Mother of 4 kids ages 10, 9, 7, 5 and of {surprise!} twins due July 2015. A Lincoln native, now an unconventional prairie wife living deep in the heart of southeast Nebraska for over a decade. Always a city girl at heart. A former high school teacher, now a current homeschooling mom. Always in process. Thankful for Divine restoration and Grace. Runs solely on coffee. I blog over at The J Crew .{}

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