There is much to be said about old friends. In quotes, in the five regrets of the dying, in The Golden Girls theme song. But life gets busy, doesn’t it? It gets complicatedmarriages, jobs, kids, errands. Friendships that were once part of us seem to fade into the background as lives grow and shift. 

Being the always optimist, the queen of nostalgia, the friend who probably holds on just a little too tight, I have always seen the value in the old. The familiar. I’m the person who orders the same menu item every time at my favorite restaurant. I’m the one who is always there for an old friend, no matter what. 

Growing older, I’ve been gently (and not so gently) reminded that some people are not meant to live in our lives forever. I spent a good portion of my 30s trying unsuccessfully to disprove this notion. Clutching to the old with desperation as I felt people I loved slipping away. It still hurts my heart now, wishing life didn’t go this way. 

It is difficult to discern who to fight for and who to let go. I’m still working on it. Praying about it. Getting clarity on it. My thoughts on it are this (maybe you remember this little rhyme): “make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.”

RELATED: Finding My new Group of Friends and Loving the Old One

Yes, we need to grow and shift. Yes, there are people in our lives who will sadly go. Yes, some of the new friends I have made in my 40s give me something fresh, a version of myself I didn’t know was there. That matters. That’s special. I’m thankful for it and cherish it. It’s silver, and it’s beautiful. 

Yet, there is something so special about a person who remembers that amazing Halloween costume you wore in fifth grade, knows the dynamic with your mom (who can be a handful), and was there for that breakup. Not only has he or she heard that crazy story you always tell but lived it with you in realtime.

That friend understands and navigates your quirks seamlessly and without explanation, knew your parent who has now passed away, and hands you the ketchup first because they know you love it.

He or she still sees you as a carefree 23-year-old bartender and not just a mom, and doesn’t think you look any different than you did in middle school because that’s the only you they know. They have experienced a version of you that you wish you still had a piece of, was with you for some of the happiest moments of your lifetaking that trip, getting that positive pregnancy test, being offered that amazing job, the first person you called with life-altering news.

RELATED: I Want Friends Who Grow Old with Me

Growing up is beautiful. It’s inevitable. Sometimes it’s sad. Friend breakups are the worst kind of breakups, and I’ve had a few of those. I’m old enough now to have experienced the reality of some old friends passing away. What I wouldn’t give for one more laugh, one more long talk, one more mundane Sunday of working together at a barthings that when you are young, you don’t realize will eventually end. 

Maybe today, take five minutes or 50 and call that old friend. Send the text. Make the plan (and don’t cancel it). Let them know how glad you are to be their friend. Make sure they know that, to you, they are gold. You’ll never regret it.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Krystal Sieben

Hi, I'm Krystal. Minnesota wife and mom of three great kids, three rescue dogs, and a Fjord horse named Syver. Former middle school teacher turned nonprofit director. A chance meeting with a special horse changed my path, and I now run Three Little Burdes Nonprofit. Our goal is to provide adults and children of all abilities with an introduction to ponies and horses. Check us out!

We Promised to Be Friends Forever—and Then We Were

In: Journal, Relationships
We Promised to Be Friends Forever—and Then We Were

I’ve never really been one of the “popular” girls. Sure, I was a friendly kid who was later liked well enough by most social circles as a teen, and these days, I can chat with other moms at the playground and make pleasant conversation with most adults.  But when it comes to friendship, I never gathered those 100 pennies, like the saying goes. Instead, I’ve treasured up something even better: four shiny quarters—my few but fierce friends.  Over the course of all the years my girlfriends and I have known each other, we’ve celebrated a lot of things together. There have been...

Keep Reading

Good, Long Distance Friendship is Hard But So Worth it

In: Friendship
Woman getting into car

I cry every time she arrives, and I cry every time she leaves. Because each time I see her, I feel a little more like myself, and each time she leaves, I feel like a big piece of my heart drives away in her car. Because one of my very dearest friends lives far away. And it’s just hard. We can’t just hop in the car and meet for coffee. We don’t make weekly shopping runs to Target when we both need to get out of the house, and I can’t run her over a plate of cookies when she...

Keep Reading

Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

In: Friendship, Journal, Relationships
fake friends, friendship, true friends, fake friends quotes, motherhood, women,

I’ve been an extrovert my entire life. I make small talk with the cashier at the grocery store. I’ll chat with my Uber driver on the way to the airport. I’ll start a conversation with the dad standing off to the side at a soccer game or the mom sitting alone at the PTA meeting. I just find it’s easier to get through this life if you’re pleasant. And because I’m a joiner, I have a diverse circle of mom friends from all walks of life. I think it’s important to open yourself up to different perspectives and life opportunities....

Keep Reading