My dear little one, my sweet baby boy.

It seems like just yesterday I was welcoming you into the world, soaking you in and feeling the weight of you on my chest. I wanted to give you the world and protect you from it all in one breath. You looked up at me with your big newborn eyes and I whispered, “Hi baby boy, I’m your mama” as you snuggled into my arms. I never knew my heart could fill that fast. 

It seems like just yesterday . . . and now we come to the end. Soon, we’ll welcome a new baby to our family and you’ll become a big brother. A new little will be placed in my arms. Everyone has told me my heart will fill again, like a cup running over, rather than one divided. 

In the blink of an eye, you went from a little baby to a rambunctious 1-year-old. You learned to crawl, to stand, to walk. You were intent on exploring your world and getting into everything. Your baldness gave way to blond curls and your curious blue eyes searched out new things while glancing back for reassurance. You giggled as I scooped you into my arms and kissed your sweet cheeks. I never knew I could see the world all over again like I was seeing it for the first time. 

And now we’ve come to the end. Soon, there will be a whole new round of firsts as baby learns to crawl, to walk, to stand. I’ll see the world anew all over again . . . both through your sibling’s eyes and yours as you show him new things and grow into your role as big brother. 

Soon, you will be two. Everyone warned me about two and in some ways, they’ve been right. Your cute little ears sometimes don’t seem to work as well as they should. But oh my little one, they never told me about how your sweetness would remain. You no longer look like my baby and you are constantly fighting for independence. Yet at the same time, this is the age where you told me you loved me, where you put your hand on my cheek and smiled. It’s the age where you grabbed my hand and said, “Mommy, dance,” and we boogied around the living room. You started doing things for yourself (brushing your teeth, picking out toys, drinking from a cup) and I was simultaneously so proud and so sad all at the same time. I didn’t know I could feel that way.

Now we’ve come to the end . . . so many people have told me that you’ll look so big and grown up the first time I see you after baby’s born. I don’t know how that’s possible, because you’ve already grown up so much to me. I can’t cuddle you in my arms any longer because you’re too long to fit. Instead of placing you in a crib, I peel back the blankets so you can crawl into your big boy bed. Ever since I saw a positive sign on that test, you have transformed from my baby boy into a sweet, smart, and active little man. 

I can’t believe we’ve come to the end of just us. It seemed like just yesterday you were the wish of our hearts, our constant prayer. Now you’re about to take on a whole new role. A role I know you will thrive in. A role I know we will struggle through. A role I know will mean so much to you and to your sibling.

I am excited and scared all at the same time. I can’t wait to see what you do, how you’ll grow. I can’t wait to see what you’ll learn and the example you’ll be. 

But I want to hold you as my baby for just a little longer, to tell you it’s OK to not grow up too fast. I want you to know that my love for you will never leave or lessen, even if my attention is divided. I want you to know that even at the end of us, there’s a beautiful new beginning that you’ll always be part of. Know that I will be as patient as I can as we navigate this new reality. Know I am still your mama and you can always run to me and I’ll be there. Know you will always hold a place in my heart and nothing will change that. 

Soon we will come to the end, my sweet boy. Before long, it won’t be just us. This reality hurts my heart. But then I think of the adventures that await us on our new adventure . . . and my heart lightens. This is a beautiful new beginning and one I know we’ll all love. 

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Katie Hutton

Katie Hutton is a writer by passion and a marketer by trade. She enjoys sharing stories about real life, in all its messy fabulousness, wine dates, spreading random acts of kindness and exploring new places. But her favorite moments are spent with her husband and their two boys. Follow her on Twitter @KatieMHutton.