I am an angry mom.
I never used to think of myself as an angry person. Well, I admit that I am impatient and rather short-tempered. But I wouldn’t consider myself as someone who is often angry.
Not until I had kids.
Or more specifically, toddlers.
It is a no-brainer to say that I love my children with all my heart and that I’m ever so thankful for having them.
Yet too often, I get SO angry at them.
I suppose nobody ever said that love and anger are mutually exclusive. I would like to think that it’s because I love my children so much that I get so angry at them at times.
These adorable faces that make my heart melt are also the same faces that can make my blood boil.
Oh, the defiance! The stubbornness! The rebellion! The fights, shouts, tears, screams, mess, riot, disobedience, and rudeness!
Why can’t they just follow my instructions properly?
Why can’t those little hands just stop messing things up?
Why can’t those little mouths stop talking back or asking why?
Why can’t my kids just do as they are told?
The funny thing is, I know the answer. There’s only one answer, really.
THEY ARE KIDS.
Really. And they are just behaving as kids do.
My mind knows that all too well, but somehow, the message doesn’t get conveyed to my blood that keeps boiling and my heart that keeps thumping with rage!
There are only so many soiled bed sheets I can change and scrub without complaint. Four changes of sheets and painful scrubbing in six days! Of course, I was mad! Why does my preschooler keep wetting himself?
That’s the third consecutive night my 18-month-old has vomited in bed and all over me. Yes, I know that she is unwell and my heart aches for her. But I can’t brush aside my frustration at all the mess and cleaning up that I have to do.
Why do I have to keep yelling at my kids to get their attention? Why can’t they just listen properly? Why can’t they stop whining? Argh! That makes me angry too!
I’m really trying to concentrate on my work here, and I’ve told my son to give me 10 minutes. But why does he keep pestering me? Why can’t he be more patient? Gosh! My blood pressure is rising again!
Time and again, my anger rises. I end up yelling at my children or venting my frustration at my husband.
Sometimes I really wonder if I am worthy of being the mother to my children.
I believe that children are blessings from God and my children belong to God. I am but a vessel to help bring them to this world. It is He who has lovingly created them and given me the honor of bearing them in my womb.
I have done nothing to deserve these precious gifts of life.
During the times when I reflect on my own actions and anger, it pains me to think what my Heavenly Father thinks of me.
What does He think of my parenting ways?
What does He think of me as a mother?
What does He think of this angry human guardian whom He has most benevolently bestowed upon these precious little children?
What makes me most ashamed of myself is how my children still shower me with love even after I lose my temper at them.
Now, who’s the real kid?
My children are ever so forgiving and their hearts are always so full of love. They can quickly get over an unpleasant episode while I continue to seethe in anger and think about how I need to release it when my husband comes home from work.
O, Lord, please help me.
Help me be the mother You want me to be, deserving of the children You have blessed me with.
May You grant me godly wisdom in my parenting ways and fill my heart with Your overwhelming love and patience, that I may love my children as You love them.
Help me see my children through Your eyes so that I am not blinded by my own sins, impatience, and self-interest.
My oldest child is six years old. This means I have only been a mother for six years. Not exactly long as compared to a lifelong journey of motherhood.
Yeah, I am still a young mom.
A “mom-child” who has growing up to do.
A “mom-child” who needs much learning to overcome her own negative emotions and place her children’s interests ahead of hers.
A “mom-child” who needs time to mature to be a “mom-adult”.
I will get there.
With a daily dose of patience and lots of prayers.
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