“There’s no reason why you can’t go on and live your life.”
I cringed as I heard those words come out of the ER doctor’s mouth and she spoke to Kate and Toby on NBC’s This Is Us last night.
How the frick could she just say that to them right after they lost their baby?!? I thought to myself. I’ve never had a miscarriage before, but it still stung my mama heart. My husband had to calm me down, because I was just irked that she would say that. Then I watched Toby step outside of the curtain, leaving Kate alone on the ER cot.
And I cried.
Then Toby and Kate’s broken hearts met one another in their individual grief. Two broken people, longing for their baby, trying to make sense of how to make their way through the pain. Kate trying to bottle her emotions up inside of her and protect Toby, and Toby wanting to do everything he can to protect Kate from any more pain. He even went to the distribution center to intercept the baby bath that Kate had ordered so that it wouldn’t show up on their doorstep.
And then I cried some more.
And then Rebecca showed up on Kate’s door step. And I lost it.
Like ugly sob, 5 chin cry, snot running out of my nose.
Because no matter what kind of past relationship you have with your mama, when you are at your lowest, the only person you really want is her. And when Rebecca and Kate met one another in the grief of their babies, something beautiful in their relationship happened – something that can only be found when we choose to be vulnerable in the darkest, loneliest moments of motherhood.
To the mamas who have lost their babies. I can not fathom the loss you have experienced. I do not know the depths of your grief and the heart ache you have endured. But after I watched Toby and Kate’s story tonight, for the first time, I feel like I see you in a new way.
And I weep with you. I just want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. But I pray, just like Toby and Kate, that you will find hope – not only that you would find the strength to try again, but that you would not let it break you. That you would cling to the joy that your baby brought you and look to the future with that baby still in your heart.
May you continue to look to the future, sweet friend. But until then, we will weep together.
But weep in hope.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15