… I secretly love it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t go out of my way to create a situation or circumstance that could lead to arguments or disagreements. There are usually some tears (on my part) and long pauses of silence and typically a hurtful word or two. But I love it when we disagree. Hang with me for a moment.
I was never under the impression marriage would be easy. I had already reconciled it in my mind that two sinners living under one roof with varied opinions, primarily due to gender differences and ways of processing the world, would easily lead to points of friction. Many years of roommate apartment-living had already proved the “two sinners” hypothesis to be true. However, rather than being fearful of marrying my husband and the possibility of arguments and disagreements that might come, I have embraced living with this man of mine as he has become one of the primary aids in the Lord’s sanctification of my life.
Though many of our disagreements have been quite silly and are few and far between (none of which I shall mention here because they would be quite embarrassing), there have been times where a hurtful word was spoken; a critical judgment made that was not so constructive; or a sarcastic comment that was delivered at the wrong moment. It is in these moments that I feel all of an inch tall with a mouse-like voice and a Hunchback of Notre Dame posture. It’s not just me, though – his demeanor is nothing short of the previous description and his apology can be read all over his face.
I am thankful for disagreements with my husband because they truly reveal the pride in my heart and the fight for superiority. They show me the ugliness of my heart and highlight the sinful nature that is fighting to prove myself better. Disagreements show me more than anything that I am not perfect and am in need of the Savior who will make all things new, including my heart. I am thankful for small arguments with my husband because the Lord uses these moments to convict me of how I have incorrectly loved my husband and moves me toward repentance. It is in repentance that I gain a greater glimpse into my true feelings for my spouse because a silly argument is not worth any dissension that might be caused between me and the one I love more than anything else. It is in disagreements that I have been made well aware of the enemy’s tactics and satisfaction when a couple disagrees on a matter. Any strife that is caused between a couple, whether it be disagreeing over a place to eat or a snarky criticism that is made, is a small victory for the enemy. Satan loves nothing more than for the picture of Christ and the church to be disfigured, even if for a thirty minute disagreement. Yet, the enemy shrinks away without a victory medal in sight when me and my husband are able to calmly talk through each disagreement and reconcile our relationship. The point of reconciliation is reached when we have come to an agreement after sharing our thoughts, weighing the options, and praying for the Lord’s help. And that, my friends, is the sweetest victory.
Yes, I secretly love disagreements. I love them because the Lord uses them to expose my sin and draw me closer to Himself. I love them because my husband and I are brought closer to one another and emerge stronger – no matter how small or big the disagreement. I love them because we become a better pair, despite them. I love them because my husband is my iron; he sharpens me as we work through whatever situation comes our way. I love them because I see the need for my Savior at every corner and turn of a conflict. I love them for the reconciliation that comes after.
I love my husband. I love disagreements. I love sweet victories of reconciliation. And I love every moment in between.