So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

After several months of trying, it happened. The pregnancy test read “pregnant,” along with another four, just to be sure. While I was immediately filled with shock, nervousness and the typical “are we ready for this?” thoughts, I was also overwhelmed with excitement and already began to picture what this new baby and our life would look like in just nine short months.

I took our son to get a cute “big brother” shirt and anxiously waited for my husband to come home to share the exciting news. After longer than he’d like to admit, he finally noticed the shirt, and it all felt even more real as we began excitedly discussing when our new addition would be here and planning for life as a family of four.

I began to pray for you and feel your presence inside my belly already, where I promised to keep you safe and warm until I could hold you in my arms. I looked through our sweet toddler’s newborn clothes and imagined getting them washed and ready for his new little brother or sister. I pictured the look on his face as he came to the hospital to meet his brand new sibling for the first time, and thought of the incredible bond that they would share growing up together. He was going to be the best big brother, and I couldn’t wait to watch it all play out.

But then something else happened, something that wasn’t part of the plan. On a dinner date that was supposed to be a night of celebration and bliss, I began having sharp pains and knew that something wasn’t right. And that’s when it happened, and I found out I was no longer pregnant.

All those thoughts and dreams quickly vanished, and I was left with disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness, guilt, and so many other indescribable emotions. And then came the self-blame. What did I do wrong? Why was this happening? Not knowing what else to do, I began to research what to expect and what I was experiencing, and what I found was that this was all too common. In fact, one in four women experience a miscarriage. I was shocked.

Instead of feeling relieved in knowing how often this happens, I was filled with an even deeper sense of sadness as I thought of how many others have suffered such indescribable loss. For something that happens all the time, it certainly isn’t talked about enough. My heart ached for all the other women who have been exactly where I was, for those who have spent days, weeks, or months planning for their own bundles of joy, only to have it all taken away so suddenly. It might be common, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Like motherhood, pregnancy changes your heart in ways you can’t explain. And pregnancy loss, well that’s an experience no woman should ever have to endure, especially alone. While many women may prefer to not talk about their experience, I fear that so many others stay silent out of misplaced guilt, undeserved shame or a sadness they just aren’t able to find the words to talk about yet. So to all the women who have had to go through this before me, to those blaming themselves when they did nothing wrong, to those grieving in silence and not yet ready to talk about their loss, please know that you are not and will never be, alone.

You may also like:

A Mother’s Love Can’t Be Measured In Weeks

To the Woman Crying in the Hospital Bathroom

You Have the Right to Mourn Your Miscarriage

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at

How Grateful I Am for a Mother Who Believed in Me

In: Cancer, Grief
Mother and grown daughter, color photo

It was a hot summer day sometime in the middle of high school. I was young and naive, but the ugly six-letter word was looming over our family: cancer. Although I didn’t know it then, this would be our last normal summer before my mother’s health would worsen. Cancer would give way to terminal cancer. It’s funny how something so big can seem so small in those moments. My mom and I were sitting on our back porch, encased in a narrow hedge of yew bushes. It was a yellow, lazy Saturday, and my brothers and father were at Cub...

Keep Reading

A Medical Diagnosis Challenges a Marriage

In: Cancer, Living, Marriage
Bald woman holding clippers over husband's head, color photo

It is no secret now that Albert Pujols and his wife have announced their divorce shortly after she had surgery to remove a brain tumor. As a breast cancer survivor, this news hit me in a special way. As I was reading through an article from Today, there was a quote that hit me hard, “But a marriage falling apart is far more common when the wife is the patient, researchers have found. A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is...

Keep Reading

Dear Grandmother, I’m Not Ready to Lose You

In: Grief
Elderly woman and granddaughter touch foreheads

I had a visit from my grandmother the other day. It wasn’t a regular sit on the porch with a cup of tea kind of visit. It was more of an “I have something I need to tell you” type of visit. She’s been unwell for some time, and I guess I had sort of hoped she would get better, and she would be back to herself soon enough. I noticed when she sat down and tears filled her eyes that it wasn’t going to be a normal conversation. Her eyes widened and she struggled to get her words out without...

Keep Reading

Love Carries On in the Ones We Raise

In: Grief, Motherhood
Mother and son hug

From a very young age, two of the most important men in my life were my grandpa and my brother. I never could have imagined that I’d lose them both within nine months, nor could I predict the profound effects the magnitude of those losses would have on my life. My grandpa was my father figure and shepherd. I have endless memories of him— from splashing in the ocean together to shopping each Easter season for my Easter dress. He was always there. Every choir concert, musical, or school ceremony, I could easily find his face in the crowd. I...

Keep Reading

Friends Can Be a Sanctuary

In: Friendship, Grief
Group of friends hugging

A sanctuary is defined as anywhere people go for peaceful tranquility or introspection. My friends became my sanctuary when my husband, Frank, died. They became my refuge and my safe place. Friendship is one of the most wonderful gifts in this world. It is beautiful, comforting, ever-changing, and, for me, a fixed point.  My friends seemed to know exactly what I needed and when I needed it. Their love and constant support got me through the worst of times and gave me the courage and confidence I needed to move forward.  I could never give an adequate thank you to...

Keep Reading

All I Wanted Was For My Baby To Stay Alive

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Sad woman with head in hands

Today is the day I’ve dreaded and resisted for almost a year: the day I face going through the white plastic bag the hospital sent home with me after my D&C, 10 months ago. This bag held my clothes, shoes, and wedding ring for the short time I was in surgery, but I rescued all of those precious items soon after waking. The items that remain show the paper trail of that difficult day—receipts from my hospital admittance and anesthesia, general post-operative care instructions, and a consent form for “treatment of incomplete abortion.” That last part brings tears to my...

Keep Reading

My Husband Makes Me a Stronger Woman

In: Grief, Loss, Marriage
Daddy standing over hospital crib with infant, black-and-white photo

A little over a year ago, my husband and I went through the unimaginable. We lost our child, Lillian, to a congenital heart defect. The days following that, and even to this day, people will comment on how strong I am. How well I’ve dealt with this darkness. How they can’t imagine what I am going through. The truth is I was never alone. From the day we found out I would give birth to a child who had complex heart defects, my husband has been there. Always in the background of what others saw but ever so present in...

Keep Reading

Mothers Don’t Teach Us How To Live Life Without Them

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss, Motherhood
Woman in dress with corsage, smiling color photo

When you’re a little girl, you dream of marriage, children, a career, and memories that you will cherish forever—and you want your mother by your side at all times. Our mothers teach us how to live a life we will enjoy, but they never teach us how to live a life without them in it. Our mothers don’t tell us that one day they will not be here to answer the phone when we call or go on spontaneous dinner dates. My mother never told me there will come a day when she will be gone and how bad it...

Keep Reading

When Mother’s Day Feels Awkward, Find Comfort in Community

In: Grief, Living, Loss, Motherhood

Mother’s Day can be beautiful for some women. It can be hurt filled for others. Or in my case, it can just feel plain old awkward. I felt eight years of awkward Mother’s Days. In my late 20s to mid-30s, I felt like the woman no one knew what to say to or what to do with. I felt a double whammy on Mother’s Day. My mother was home in Heaven. My womb was empty and always would be. My desire to have a child was filled with an intentional choice to go a non-traditional route to motherhood and was...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Mother’s Day Hurts

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother holding baby near grave, black-and-white photo

I see you moms. I see the moms who will never see all of their children together on this earth at the same time. The moms who dread the question, “When are you having children?” or “Will you have any more?” The moms who pray for that second line, month after month. The moms who are seeing that positive test and don’t know how they are going to make this work. The moms who can’t shake the blues or depression, who feel guilty for not feeling happier about their baby. The moms who feel as though they are doing it...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids


Proven techniques to build REAL connections