So God Made a Teacher Collection (Sale!) ➔

Even 6 years later.

We’ve moved on. I’m happily remarried. We get along for the most part and are co-parenting our two daughters, but man oh man, when something happens between the two of us, it HAPPENS BIG and this recent altercation was no exception. Nothing like accidentally receiving a voice text of a recording of your ex-spouse bad mouthing you in a very disrespectful way to another parent on your kids softball team to send you right back to how you felt the day you ended your marriage. 

I was listening to a recording of him say things about me that weren’t ever supposed to be for my ears which brought me right back to the night six years ago when I saw emails I shouldn’t have seen and realized our marriage was over. Here I was yet again, the third party infringing on an exchange that I was never supposed to discover.

Seeing those emails with my own eyes hurt me on a level that is indescribable. I won’t say listening to the voice text felt the exact same, but there was this eerily similar sensation in my gut when I overheard him speaking about me in a moment when he thought no one else was listening.

 Our ex’s have this uncanny ability to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong when it was clearly them who was in the wrong. My ex-husband made a very inappropriate comment about me and when I called him out on it, instead of apologizing to me, he came back with “well, ya know, you DO rub women the wrong way” Wait, what? How did this all of a sudden become my fault? He then followed that up with “You’re just like your father and that’s why you rub women the wrong way.” I hated the fact that he was able to hit me right between the eyes where he knew it would get to me.

When your ex throws a jab at you, you want to shrug it off, convince yourself it doesn’t matter, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Your ex is that person who knows you intimately, and in my case, there’s a 17 year history with us, so he knows my vulnerabilities and therefore knows exactly where to hit me in the gut. I should have acted like it didn’t matter or I didn’t care, but I just can’t do that. His comments really upset me on several levels. That’s one of the many ways the relationship with your ex changes post divorce. Those qualities that they once so admired about you become the subject of scrutiny in a heated discussion in a parking lot on a sultry summer night. 

When I was growing up I spent a considerable amount of time with my paternal grandmother and at her funeral she was referred to as a “pistol” and a pistol she was indeed! Tough, strong, and raised 8 kids with absolutely no help. She spoke her mind and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought. She was one tough lady and I admired her a lot. Turns out my Dad inherited many of his mother’s qualities; he’s known as strong, hardworking, stubborn, intimidating, and a bit ornery at times just like his mother was. I think everyone in my family will agree that compared to my two younger sisters, I have the highest amount of these “pistol-like qualities” from my grandmother and father and I couldn’t be happier about it. These qualities have served me well as I’ve grown up and have risen above adversities large and small.

Fast-forward to my early 40’s and I’ve needed to pull from the trenches of my strong personality traits as I went through a very difficult divorce, then lost my job shortly after and then a cancer diagnosis shorty after that. It was a 3 pronged sucker punch that I’m still trying to get back up from.

It’s this tough-as-nails part of me that I’m so thankful for because it’s gotten my through the thick muck of the past 6 years. My grandmother not taking crap from anyone, my father’s tenaciousness and outspoken nature were the traits that served me well as if my father and grandmother were right by my side as I navigated through these tough times. Adjusting to being a single mom and then not being intimidated by my doctor who was trying to tell me that I was premenopausal and needed an antidepressant when all along I had thyroid cancer. I wasn’t stopping until I found the right answers because I knew something wasn’t right. 

Recently, my soon-to-be 13-year-old daughter had to complete an emotional wellness questionnaire at her annual physical and one of the questions was “Are you a leader or a follower?” and when I glanced over to see what she wrote, I was beaming with pride when she circled “leader.” My goal is to nurture those types of qualities in my daughters as they grow, to stand up for themselves and have a voice but to do so with skills that are seasoned with kindness, grace, discernment, and a little bit of patience.

My friend asked me “What do you think is the gift in all of this?”  That can be a difficult question when you’re still in the weeds which is where I am, but upon pondering this question I think the gift in all of this smacked me square in the face as I was mid-rant with my ex-husband the next day. I had stewed over this exchange with him all night long, so naturally, I felt the right thing to do was get him on the phone the next day to give him a piece of my mind.

So there I was, going on and on to him and defending myself against the things he had said and accused me of. Then, mid-sentence, I had my epiphany – “why the hell am saying all of this to him?”

I don’t need to convince him of anything. The person that needs convincing is me.

Is it possible that I do rub women the wrong way? Perhaps, but which women are we talking about here? The women in my life, the ones that know me intimately, that ones that I care a great deal what they think of me, would never say that I offend them or rub them the wrong way. 

As far as the other “women” out there that I supposedly offend that my ex referred to, if that’s the way I’m perceived by some in response to me asking clarifying questions or offering a suggestion then so be it. I’m not going to apologize for who I am or change who I am to appease others. I’m 46 years into owning who I am and so the additional gift I’ve received after this whole debacle is that I’ve realized how proud I am to be my grandmother’s granddaughter.

Tracie Cornell

Tracie is a writer, blogger, and corporate sales and leadership trainer. A native of Buffalo NY, she lives there with her husband and 15 and 11 year old daughters.   She has been a facilitator for 19 years while also pursuing her passion for writing, coaching and sharing her story of divorce, loss, and a cancer diagnosis all with the goal of connecting with other women to help them through all of life transitions. When she is not writing, traveling for work, and carpooling, she can be found at yoga, on a bike trail, or sitting in a local cafe sipping a latte while on her laptop.  She loves dinners out with her husband and friends and is constantly thinking of where their next vacation will be. Along with being a regular feature writer on HER VIEW FROM HOME - a lifestyle magazine that connects your view to the rest of the world, she is also a contributor on the Huffington Post Lifestyle and Divorce sections. Tracie has an essay, "Getting Back to Me" in the anthology "EAT PRAY LOVE MADE ME DO IT", the follow-up book to Elizabeth Gilberts's bestselling novel where she describes how she found the strength to start taking care of herself as her marriage was falling apart. The book is available now on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Find her at tracielynncornell.com where you can also find how to connect with her on social media.

To The Mother Who Is Overwhelmed

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Tired woman with coffee sitting at table

I have this one head. It is a normal sized head. It didn’t get bigger because I had children. Just like I didn’t grow an extra arm with the birth of each child. I mean, while that would be nice, it’s just not the case. We keep our one self. And the children we add on each add on to our weight in this life. And the head didn’t grow more heads because we become a wife to someone. Or a boss to someone. We carry the weight of motherhood. The decisions we must make each day—fight the shorts battle...

Keep Reading

To the Mother of My Son’s Future Wife

In: Grown Children, Inspiration, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
marriage, wife, husband, grown children, www.herviewfromhome.com

To the mother of my son’s future wife, I’m in the midst of dirty diapers and temper tantrums, but I do have days where I think about the future and what it will look like for my son. I wonder who he will be, what he will do and probably most of all, who he will love. I wonder about the type of woman he will bring home to meet us one day. I have my own thoughts on the type of person I wish my son would fall in love with, but we all know that the heart wants...

Keep Reading

Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith

In: Faith, Inspiration, Relationships
Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith www.herviewfromhome.com

The string quartet began playing Pachelbel, as my dad and I took our first steps down the aisle. I began to lose my composure as we proceeded to the altar. Hundreds of guests had their eyes on me as tears streamed down my face. Struggling to look my future in the eyes, I looked to the ground for reprieve. God, everything around me looks perfect, so why doesn’t this feel right? I’m not sure how I got here. The flame once dancing inside of me, has extinguished. Lord, I need you. Dad squeezed my hand gently, “Are you OK sweetie?”...

Keep Reading

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere

In: Inspiration, Kids, School, Teen
This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere www.herviewfromhome.com

When Paula and Kevin Burckard’s third child was born, she arrived with a little something extra the North Dakota couple never saw coming.  Newborn Grace had Down syndrome, and the diagnosis initially left the young parents devastated. “When Grace was born, I thought all my dreams for my daughter had basically been dashed,” Paula said.  But it didn’t take long for those fears to subside.  As Grace grew, not only did she meet and surpass milestones, her infectious joy, inspirational grit, and deep love of all things Michael Jackson transformed the family—and countless hearts. The Burckhards went on to adopt...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, When I Forget What It’s Like To Be Little

In: Child, Inspiration, Kids, Motherhood
Hey Mom, Don't Forget—You Were a Kid Once, Too www.herviewfromhome.com

The kids were squealing in the backseat. For the five minutes prior they were begging me to spill the beans on where we were going as I had only told them to get their shoes, get in the car and buckle up. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to make a simple trip out of the house one that is a mysterious adventure to them. As we took left and right turns away from our house, they were trying to guess where we were going . . . and when we finally pulled up to a brand new playground...

Keep Reading

My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me

In: Inspiration, Journal, Motherhood
My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me www.herviewfromhome.com

Before I was a mother, I was a human being. A human being with life experiences, passions, fears, talents, hobbies, goals, friends and aspirations that I cherished and tried to honor. Even though I went through a variety of seasons of life . . . from school-age days, to working adult, to wife . . . those things always stayed with me. I stayed open to evolving, but never let go of who I inherently was. Then came motherhood. And suddenly I found myself abandoning my commitment to remain true to me, and leaving any semblance of myself in the...

Keep Reading

My Mother-in-Law’s Legacy: Simplicity

In: Inspiration, Journal
My Mother-in-Law's Legacy: Simplicity www.herviewfromhome.com

The memories of my mother-in-law spilled to the forefront of my mind, just as the contents of his jacket pocket fell onto our dresser. It was Proverbs 31, written on hotel stationery, in my neatest block print. Holding the small papers in my hand brought me right back to her graveside, on a hot summer morning, seven years ago. “Her children arise and call her blessed.” (verse 28) As my second daughter gave a mighty kick from the womb, visible to every mourner present that day, I couldn’t help but to allow my mind to wander. Were my values apparent...

Keep Reading

A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce

In: Inspiration, Journal
A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce www.herviewfromhome.com

I drove back from my son’s college concert near midnight. Exhausted, I glanced at my 14-year-old daughter, Beth, asleep in the passenger seat. We were only 10 minutes from home. I thought I could make it until I heard a road sign flatten on concrete. As the car flipped three times across a bare Ohio field, we left behind an ordinary life. I escaped with cuts, bruises, and blood-matted hair. Beth was another story. The car was cut open and a helicopter rushed her to Toledo. A doctor told my husband John that she was paralyzed. When John broke the news...

Keep Reading

Dear Mama, You’re Allowed To Not Be There

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Dear Mama, You're Allowed To Not Be There www.herviewfromhome.com

Friday afternoon was not much crazier than most afternoons. My husband was mowing the lawn, my daughter was hangry and my youngest son was due to be in a talent show in twenty minutes. I stood in the kitchen—where it seemed like I’d been for an hour—trying to motivate my family to eat dinner and get ready to go. “Get dressed, Jude. Make sure you eat something.” “Dean, do you want a slice of pizza before we leave?” I screamed over the lawn mower. “Maeve, are you going to the optional soccer practice or the talent show? You need to...

Keep Reading

Get our FREE phone wallpaper to encourage you as the new school year begins

It's bittersweet for a mother to watch her child grow—but you both are ready to soar.