Savior, I wonder how many times you called out to me before I actually saw you for who you really are. I wonder if you waited and watched patiently knowing some time soon I would recognize you.

Jesus, how many times did I hurt you by turning my back toward you, shutting you out of my life. I wonder how many times you called my name before I had ears to hear. 

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Creator, how many times did I look at a beautiful sunset and not acknowledge your artistry? Did you paint a beautiful scene right before my eyes to grab my attention and somehow I failed to see. 

Father, I wonder how many times I’ve come looking for your face and missed it completely. You were standing right in front of me but I was too blind in my ways to see. 

How many times have I come asking that you heal my hurting heart and not realize I was not handing over my whole heart? I wonder if you stood there with with your arms opened wide and I never came. 

Lord, I wonder how many times you have wanted me to go one way and I went another. How many times did I come holding on so tightly to the things you wanted me to let go of, how long did it take for me to loosen my grip? How many times did I come with an ungrateful heart before I learned to value what you had given me?

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Most High, how many times have you had your hand of protection upon me without me ever knowing? Your army of angels surrounding me yet I was unaware. 

Jesus, how many times have I been lonely and needed someone and didn’t realize you were sitting right next to me? 

How many times have I been rambling in prayer and did not hear that you just wanted to sit with me? The words just flowing out without realizing your presence was all I needed.

Holy Spirit, how many times has your still small voice spoken to me and I was too busy to recognize, how many times did you have to repeat yourself until I finally heard you?

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How many times have I missed the opportunity to share of your love. Placing people in my life who need you, and I was too scared to say anything at all and you waited for me to be ready and then gave me another try. How many times did you have to give me until I was finally brave enough to try?

How many times did I say hurtful words that did not reflect Your love, and yet, you still saw the goodness in me?

O Lord, how many times have I missed your goodness in my life? I wonder, Lord of my heart, how could you never give up on me and love me as well as you do?

Previously published on the author’s blog

Jennifer Toscano

I am a wife, mother to two beautiful daughters and a follower of Jesus. I recently started my blog as a way to document my journey in faith and to share God's great love with others. I also love to cook, read and do graphic design. You can find me on Facebook: and on my website: writing about faith, hope and motherhood.