My baby girl, I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry we didn’t get more time with you only. 

I’m sorry you weren’t old enough yet to understand.

I’m sorry we weren’t able to have more adventures, just us, because of a pandemic.

I’m sorry it was so difficult for us to conceive you, but your brother was completely unexpected. 

I’m sorry I felt so sick during the summer when we should have been outside, exploring and making memories, instead of camped out on the couch watching movies.

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I’m sorry I got too big to rock you to sleep, something we did every single night of your little life until we physically couldn’t. 

I’m sorry you were sick the only nights we’ve ever been apart—the two nights we were away welcoming your baby brother into the world.

I’m sorry you had to learn that we couldn’t give you our undivided attention 24/7.

I’m sorry for the moments you get left behind because baby brother has to be picked up.

I’m sorry for the times we can’t play because baby brother has to nurse.

I’m sorry I get frustrated, impatient, and grumpy easier these days—emotions that used to not be projected onto you so much. 

I’m sorry that some days Ms. Rachel and Mary Poppins entertain you more than I do.

I’m sorry Mommy and Daddy have to divide and conquer when it comes to swim lessons, gymnastics, and music class. We used to love being able to go as a family and watch you play and learn.

I’m sorry we are so tired that we start our day in bed watching Sesame Street.

I’m sorry you can’t be the only center of my universe anymore.

But sweet girl, I’m so proud.

I’m proud of how much you show your love now, especially to your baby brother.

I’m proud of how you always help with diaper changes and pick out his clothes.

I’m proud that you’re the first one to run to him when he cries from his room.

I’m proud of how you clean up his toys without even being asked because he’s “too small.” 

I’m proud of how gentle you are with him (most days).

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I’m proud of how much joy you continue to bring to our family even though you can feel the different dynamic.

I’m proud of how you’re slowly learning how to play independently and be okay with it.

I’m proud of how well you’re learning and using your words.

I’m proud of how you now give kisses, hugs, and “I love yous” effortlessly.

I’m proud that our family isn’t perfect, but you love us unconditionally. 

More than anything, I’m proud of the human being you are—full of sunshine, sweetness, and the occasional sass.

I’m proud you are our first.