Grief Kids

Discovering the Beauty in Brokenness

Written by Dianna Abrams

 

I was making dinner one night and my three-year-old daughter was prancing around the kitchen dancing to her own little toddler tune. I saw her pause for a moment and glare at the side of the refrigerator. She was pointing to a picture she had painted which was carefully hung by a ceramic snowflake magnet she had created at school. She loved this magnet. It was her masterpiece that she made for her daddy. The next moment I saw her yanking at the hanging picture trying to reach for her snowflake. As I turned to ask her to stop, the magnet came tumbling off the refrigerator and onto the tile floor, where one piece of the snowflake broke. She was distraught. Tears began streaming down her face like river water runoff, she immediately did what was so natural to her. She asked her mommy to fix what had been broken.

In situations like this, we as mothers go into first responder mode. That’s what we do. We fix things, whether big or small, it does not matter, we fix them. In the eyes of our children, we are the kisser of boo-boos, the reassurance of a monster free home, the finder of all things lost. As soon as I turned to assess the damage of her snowflake masterpiece I was simultaneously determining where I put my hot glue gun to restore her creation. It was then I realized the piece not only broke off, but it shattered. I gave her a hug and said, “Sweetie it is broken and I don’t think I can fix it.” I could see her little brain churning around the idea of something that was broken and couldn’t be fixed. That was totally unacceptable to her. And for once, I totally understood her anguish. You see, if you have a three-year-old you might already know it is hard to get on their level of thinking; they tend to have unreasonable requests. But this time, I got it. How can something so precious to her be broken to the point it could not be fixed?

The truth of the matter is I have struggled with the idea of brokenness. Not in small things, not in magnets or appliances, but more in the big picture, brokenness in ourselves. Prior to this day in my life I would often tell you that a situation “bent me significantly” but to admit I was broken would be admitting to weakness. But for the first time I want to be forthcoming with this idea—I am totally broken.

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What broke me you ask? For me it was the loss of my mother. Not just the ultimate loss when I held her hand and she left this world. Rather it was the small moments of watching this once rambunctious woman lose a little bit more energy each day, lose a few more strands of hair each day, that broke me. To see the very ordinary days where my children laugh and play and think to myself, “Wow, my mom would love this.” That breaks me.

We each have something that breaks us. Whether it’s small things that have chipped away at us, or the big things that have crumbled us, we all have a part of us that is in some ways broken. And admitting to being broken is what will make us whole again.

I once read about a special ancient Japanese practice of repairing broken ceramics with a lacquer laced in gold. The idea behind it is to understand the history of the object and to visibly recognize the repair instead of distinguishing it by making those fractures the most beautiful part of the object. What if we, too, allowed ourselves to let our brokenness be the most beautiful part of us?

As mothers do, we pray for smooth waters and the wind at our children’s backs as they sail through life. I still wish that for my children. But like in the story of our precious masterpiece magnet, I told my daughter exactly what I intend to tell her as her life situations become more challenging and complex. I swept up the dust that was left of the broken piece, placed the magnet back on the refrigerator, and said, “There, it still works. The magnet still does its job of holding up your picture. In fact, we can actually see a little bit more of the beautiful picture behind it now that a piece of the magnet is missing.”

I wish and hope for my sweet children that when life breaks them, it just becomes an opportunity for more beauty to shine through if they chose it. And so I pray they always chose that. After all, this world needs more beautiful light to shine through the places in which it is broken.

About the author

Dianna Abrams

Dianna Abrams resides South of Boston, MA with her husband and their two children Arianna (3) and Caleb (7 months). She is a physical therapist in a Boston hospital but to her there is no greater calling than being a mother to her babies. It is these precious moments she feels it is important to demonstrate to her children how to have a positive outlook and to choose happiness to better influence the world around them.