Dear twin mama,
I promise you, it’s going to be OK.
I know this because I am five years into it now, and I can see how far I have come.
Firstly, I want to tell you how amazing you are and what a brilliant job you are doing right now.
Motherhood is hard, mothering a newborn or toddler is hard, but mothering newborn or toddler twins is extra hard.
Secretly, I think we must have superpowers because sometimes when I think back over the last five years, I wonder how I did it.
So I want you to know you are a superwoman even if you don’t believe me right now.
I know you don’t feel like it.
I know that days feel endless and lonely as you pretend you have it all together but really sometimes you feel like you are falling apart inside.
And yet you keep showing up.
You are stronger than you ever imagined and once you get through this hard season, you will be able to take on the world.
I know the exhaustion is crippling.
For all the first-time moms out there following the “sleep when your baby sleeps” advice, oh, how I wished I could be one of them.
This rule does not apply to multiple moms. You are lucky to get one hour straight of sleep for months on end.
This too will pass, I promise.
One day in the near future, they will both start sleeping. Yes, at the same time . . . and you won’t know yourself.
You will be so used to not sleeping, that seven good hours of sleep will feel like your old 12-hour weekend sleep-ins.
The never-ending feedings—breastfeeding didn’t work for me, so it was endless bottles. Endless diaper changing. Endless rocking, endless, endless, endless.
It all felt endless, every time something was done, it was almost time to start over.
This too will come to end, I promise.
The guilt—multiple mama guilt, well that is special.
Not only do you feel guilty for everything any mama has ever felt guilty for but to top it off, you feel guilty that maybe you haven’t loved them both enough, didn’t cuddle them both enough.
You promised yourself you would treat them exactly the same.
But now one of them is more demanding, while the other one seems to know not to fuss, and later when you are so exhausted, you feel awful for not giving equal attention.
Your babies are equally loved, even if they didn’t get the same amount of cuddles. The tide will turn and the cuddles will be shared when needed.
Even on the days you want to give up, you are still a great mom because you don’t—you might shed a few extra tears those days, but you keep showing up.
You are human and you are doing your very best. Some days are harder than others, sure, but that’s OK.
And your body . . . well your body has changed and even though they are outside you now, your body still doesn’t feel like it’s your own.
Sometimes you feel like screaming “stop touching me!” and this could be at your toddlers or even your partner.
I know this makes you feel like a horrible person, but honestly, so many women have felt like this. When you finally get time to stop, sometimes you don’t want to be touched, you’ve spent hours upon hours of being pawed at by children, now you just need to be left alone.
You worry your partner doesn’t understand this. Maybe they don’t, so gently explain how you are feeling, and they will understand.
You need to take care of yourself. You need to be honest with yourself about needing a break and take it.
You may be superwoman, but you don’t have to be everything to everyone all of the time, and you don’t have to do it all on your own.
I remember every time I met a twin mom with children older than mine, I would ask, “Does it get easier?”
I needed to know that it did.
And now I can promise any mama out there, that yes, it does get easier. The stages and phases pass quickly, and soon you will be thinking back and realize how strong you were.
I wish I had been able to enjoy more of those early years because they really don’t last long. Sometimes I feel sad because I wished a lot of it away, and I wish I could have been more present at the time, but I know I was always doing my best.
If I could give you any advice it would be this, “Stop hating the journey. Embrace the gift of being a mom of multiples.”
It is so special watching the bond between them, experiencing double the love and double the firsts of everything all around the same time.
The next time someone says, “I don’t know how you do it . . .” just take that credit and say thank you, don’t belittle how well you are doing.
You’ve got this.
You’ve always had this.
You are doing amazing.
It will all be OK.
Sending you love,
From another twin mama on the other side