The biggest realization for me after losing my mom was the reality of how short life really is. It made me see the world differently, see my relationships differently, and straight-up changed me and the way I view everything in my life.
I put my relationships with the people I love at the front and center of everything. I am often the first one to send a text to check in on the people I care about. I am often the first to say I love you. I am often the first one to initiate plans that get groups of people to spend quality time together.
Because life is so short. I saw that.
I saw the love of my dad’s life get ripped away from him by a terrible disease before they even got to retire. I had to learn how to grow up in a scary world without the person who was always supposed to be there.
That is what makes COVID-19 so scary for me. It is genuinely taking precious time with loved ones away. Something could happen to any person, any day, and instead, we are stuck in quarantine unable to spend those moments with the people we love.
My grandparents are getting very old. Realistically, they do not have very much time left with us. But because this disease is especially scary for the elderly, we are forced to spend our time away from them, to keep them safe instead of being able to spend the end of their lives with them.
Don’t get me wrong, I know there is a reason for social distancing and quarantining. I am not saying anything against that.
But what I am saying is that for someone grieving or for someone who lost someone way earlier than they should have, they have seen firsthand how short life is. Having to be separated from the people they love, losing out on time with them is just downright terrifying.
It is scary not to be able to hug the people you love. It is scary to not know how long this is going to go on for. It is scary to not know how much time you are going to miss.
For me, quality time is everything. It is the one thing I have had control over since my mom died. It is the one thing I have been able to do to make sure I do not feel regret if I were to lose someone else.
I no longer have control over this and it is downright scary.