Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Hello, old friend.

It’s been a while, I know. Three years to be exact.

I didn’t think I needed you anymore. Life was going OK. I was handling it all just fine. The pressures of work and everyday life were not getting to me. I even moved across the country and had my life turned upside down . . . and I still was doing just fine.

But my situation has changed as of late. You see, there’s something outside the walls of my house that could harm my children. It’s something I can’t see, something I can’t easily avoid, and the fear of it taking my children has crippled me.

RELATED: That Anxiety You’re Feeling is Real—There is Zero Shame in Saying You’re Exhausted

It makes me anxious whenever I’m around others. Simple things like getting the mail or taking a walk near neighbors can make my heart race and my face starts getting hot.

Life overall is different from the last time we met, friend.

It’s no longer the pressures of work, but it’s the children who get me anxious since they are now my full-time job. All of the screaming and crying, all day long. It makes my chest tight and makes me snap at them which results in more tears (from both sides if I’m being honest).

I don’t sleep much these days either. My mind races when I try to sleep. I can’t even make it through my nightly prayers without being sidetracked multiple times and constantly apologizing to God as He’s listening to my rambling thoughts of worry. I’m afraid to shut my eyes for fear of what could happen in the night, every little noise spooks me like a little child.

RELATED: Anxiety Says Be Afraid; God Says I Am With You

Friend, I just want to fall asleep right as my head hits the pillow and stay asleep for a good eight hours. (I would settle for six hours if I’m being honest.)

I’ve looked to God for help and prayed that He put my anxious heart to rest. I’ve read my Bible and all that He says about fear and anxiety, but He knows I don’t ask for help. He knows I’m stubborn and that I want to do everything on my own, so He’s steering me to you.

He’s telling me to reach out, seek the help, and don’t go at it alone. He’s saying you don’t need to struggle anymore because you’re too prideful to get help. 

So, here I am, friend. I’m asking you to help me again. I don’t want to snap at my children and be angry at them. I don’t want to have an anxiety attack in the drive-thru of a Starbucks. Something so simple should be a pleasure and a treat and not something that brings me to my knees. I don’t want to cry because it’s too shattering to do something as simple as seeing family members. I don’t want to lose sleep at night because I can’t turn my brain off from all the worry.

RELATED: I Take This Little White Pill

Yes, I have anxiety, and I’m not able to control it or suppress it any longer by myself. I have anxiety and it’s hard to say it’s a problem again and I need your help, but here I am. Part of me feels like a failure for asking you to help again, but I know I can’t live like this anymore.

So here I am again, friend, asking for your help. I have anxiety, and I need medication to help me deal with it. Help me cope with everyday life so I can experience normal again.

Help me, friend.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Courtney Devich

Courtney Devich is the author of "Mama's Got Anxiety," and she relies on Jesus and reheated coffee every day. Using humor, honesty, and relatability in her writing, she writes with a heart for the mama struggling with anxiety and depression. Courtney is a former human resources professional, using her leadership skills to manage kids as a stay-at-home mom. You can find her in the Starbucks line at her local Target, binge-watching TV with her husband, or chasing after a kid (or two) at her home in Michigan.

Going to Church with Kids is Hard but We’ll Keep Showing Up

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding young daughter in church

Going to church is hard with young kids. It used to be something I looked forward to. It’s something I’ve always valued deeply and needed desperately. It’s the one place that will always be home regardless of what location or building it’s in or what people attend. Church is my sanctuary. But it’s become a battle with the kids’ resistance, my tired mind and body, and my lack of ability to actually listen to the sermon. Going to church is hard with young kids. It’s become normal for me to lie down in bed on Saturday night thinking, with dread,...

Keep Reading

I’m Praying for My Teenager in These Challenging Years

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy holding a smartphone and wearing headphones

In my mid-40s, I began to long for a baby. We didn’t get much encouragement from friends and family. My husband is a high-functioning quadriplegic, and I was considered way too old to start a family. But our marriage was stable, we were used to obstacles, we were financially prepared, emotionally experienced, and our careers were established. I began to paint my own sublime mental portrait of parenting tranquility. What could go wrong? At 48, I delivered a healthy baby boy, and he was perfect. We adored him. The baby we had longed for and prayed for, we had. And...

Keep Reading

When Motherhood Feels Like a Limitation

In: Faith, Motherhood
Ruth Chou Simons holding book

Twenty-one years ago, my husband Troy and I welcomed our first son into the world. Two years later, I gave birth to another boy. And again two years later, and again two years after that. A fifth boy joined our family another two years later, and a final son was born 11 years after we began our parenting journey. If you were counting, you’re not mistaken—that’s six sons in just over a decade. We were overjoyed and more than a little exhausted. I remember feeling frustrated with the limitations of the little years with young children when I was a...

Keep Reading

Jesus Meets Me in the Pew

In: Faith
Woman sitting in church pew

I entered the church sanctuary a woman with a hurting and heavy heart. Too many worries on my mind, some unkind words spoken at home, and not enough love wrapped around my shoulders were getting the best of me. What I longed to find was Jesus in a rocking chair, extending His arms to me, welcoming me into his lap, and inviting me to exhaust myself into Him. I sought out an empty pew where I could hide in anonymity, where I could read my bulletin if I didn’t feel like listening to the announcements, sing if I felt up...

Keep Reading

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Holding older woman's hand

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Sad woman with hands on face

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living
Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living
Woman with flowers in field

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading