I was recently diagnosed with COVID-19.

First off, it is not fun at all. It was a total shock, as I was mostly home during this crisis and only went out for essentials. I also used a lot of caution while I was out and about.

But one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I woke up one morning already short of breath, coughing, and just not feeling good. I spent the whole day wondering if it was a cold; eventually, I had to go to the ER.

Once I got there, they checked me in outside and told me to go inside to get evaluated. A nurse came in and told me I had COVID-19. She said I was not running a fever, but with my symptoms and the pain in my chest, it matched all the symptoms of patients who tested positive. She said it could be a mild case, and that they couldn’t test me because of low supply. She also said it was airborne, so there was no way to see where I’d caught it. It was a scary feeling and something I was not expecting.

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So, I went home to self-isolate and take cough medicine.

At first, I thought it was going to be a great little vacation. I could rest, get better, and maybe get ahead in my classes.

Well . . . nope. I was wrong.

I was very wrong.

I progressively got worse over the next week, mostly sleeping all day and staying in bed and coughing. My lungs hurt so badly it was hard to breathe or talk. My family told me I sounded terrible, but I also felt terrible. Not only was I not feeling good, there was no contact between me and my husband and daughter—which is the worst feeling in the world.

Being a mom and a wife has always come first in my life, but I can’t even be those things right now.

I am a patient in my own home, isolated from my family.

I can’t hug, high five, kiss, hold, nothing. I can’t even pet my animals. I am fully isolated.

Recently, I have been sounding like myself again and feeling a little better, but I’m very tired. My lungs still hurt, but it’s not getting worse. My body is tired and I’m still sleeping a lot, but I’m resting and getting better.  

The real champions through this are my husband and daughter.

They have been taking care of me without hesitation. My husband, who is working from home, is taking care of me, our daughter, our animals, and our house. I am so thankful for them. But it’s killing me that I haven’t been able to hug or kiss or be around them for a week. Being self-isolated is not a vacation. 

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I am mostly lying down from the pain in my lungs and the pressure from talking. It feels like someone is constantly squeezing you. It is so very hard to not jump in and help around the house and it’s very hard to not kiss your child and spouse.

I miss the contact, I miss my husband, and I miss my daughter. 

This crisis and this virus has taught me a very valuable lesson—to not take things for granted. Live life to the fullest when you can. I always lived by these sayings, but it digs in a little bit more when these events arise. I say this because once you are taken away from your normal routine, it’s awful. You start to feel isolated from yourself and from the world. My depression is starting to come back hard because I can’t do anything right now, and I can’t be a mom or a wife.

It hurts to breathe and talk so I have to keep things to a minimum. Even though my other symptoms are gone, the pain is still there. I can’t tell you how hard it is to not hug and kiss your loved ones.

It makes you miss them, even though you are in the same house. That was not something I was ready for. I think that’s the case with anyone who has COVID-19. The symptoms, isolation, and aftermath are brutal.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

We are all in this together and we will get through it together. Please take care of each other and stay safe and healthy.

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I would like to thank everyone who is working so hard on the front lines to keep everyone safe. Thank you to all of our workers, teachers, and parents who are taking this seriously and taking care of everyone.

And now, I need to go rest. 

Originally published on the author’s blog