Today, I walked into my 20-week anatomy scan alone. Before I kissed my husband and daughters goodbye this morning and walked out the door, I shut myself in the bathroom and had a good, ugly cry. Because honestly, I was sad. And scared. And angry that this is the reality of our pregnancy right now. We have a coronavirus pregnancy and, quite frankly, it stinks.
You might be thinking to yourself come on, it’s just an ultrasound . . . who cares? Or, the baby wasn’t actually being born . . . what’s the big deal?!
(And to the mamas out there delivering babies right now without their partners by their sides . . . my heart aches for you.)
Because it is a big deal.
It’s a big deal when you have a history of getting scary, life-altering news at ultrasounds. It’s a big deal to sit in that room with a stranger and find out the gender of your baby if you don’t already know. It’s a big deal not to have someone to share that moment with . . . a moment that you never get to live again. It’s a big deal for first-time mamas and mamas who are a few babies in. Because every baby is different, every pregnancy is unique, and you want your partner there . . for all of it.
Today was a hard day. I feel like “isolation” has become more than just a word in our current culture—it has become a central tenant of our lives, even if temporarily. And today I felt it to my core.
But tonight, I’ve realized something . . . something that changes everything.
Looking back on this day I’ve realized—I was never really alone.
My mama—she drove 5½ hours to stay with us and go with me to my appointment, knowing she couldn’t set foot in the building. She just drove me the hour and a half to get there and sat out in the parking lot and waited.
My husband—he was at home taking care of our daughters, thinking about me and our baby boy every second until he heard from us that everything was OK.
My friends—oh my goodness, my friends. They showed up in a big way. They sent kind words and comforting reassurance. They provided solidarity and support. They paused in their day and prayed for me. And they reminded me I was not alone.
And they weren’t just saying, “You’re not alone because we’re with you.” They were saying, “You’re not alone because HE is with you.”
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing” (Zephaniah 3:17).
“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them” (Psalm 145: 18-19).
How could I forget that I was not alone? He reminds me over and over again, not just in scripture . . . but in life.
So mama, in case you’ve forgotten I want to remind you—you are not alone.
And not only are you not alone—you were made for this.
You were made for this moment, this time, this trial by the Creator of the universe. He chose you. And He is with you. And you were made for this.