Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

My husband and I have shared a FAR from perfect union. We are passionate about each other, yet there have been times we have fought like titans.

For a long time it seemed as though we fought about EVERYTHING, except one thing: S.E.X.

When everything else was chaos, it often seemed that was the one thing we could get right. Even seven years and three kids later amid all the chaos of life, it is still something we get right.

I’m always hesitant to talk about our love life because even though I write my life for the world to see, my husband and I are pretty private, especially him. (He read this before I hit publish)

However, as I continue to see how the world pushes a narrative of hot, steamy, savage, selfish sex. I feel the need to share a little more (obviously the details remain in our union). 

The truth is, I believe sex has not been an issue because of God’s grace, but also because of the power of intimacy.

To take it even further, I believe we have a passionate, thriving sexual intimacy with each other because of two things we do that often don’t involve sex: since our wedding night we always showered together and slept naked (or in just undies since babies climb in bed too).

At 21, we were just taking advantage of our married privileges. Unable to keep our hands off the other. It was the start of our sexual intimacy. As time has passed, what we once simply viewed as privilege is now an integral part of our day.

Most nights there’s nothing sexy about our shower together. It’s not fancy. Just a husband and wife standing in a 1980s tub/shower combo, often talking—really talking—for the first time in a day.

We’ve shared our dreams. We’ve made plans for our home. We’ve caught up on the details of each other’s days. All while switching back and forth in the water.

Sometimes, our shower is a place of honest communication. Standing there naked and vulnerable kind of causes a person to get it all out. There have been times we have expressed resentment or hurt. Other times he’s held me as I’ve wept beneath the water. The communication in the shower is restorative. We express, we accept, discuss further, apologize, forgive, and heal.

We’ve learned each other’s bodies. I’ve washed his wounds from a game, and he’s supported me after I’ve given birth. He tells me when I still have makeup on my face, and I wipe the remaining wash from the back of his shoulders.

It is in that little tub that we realize we have nothing to hide. There is no shame. There is no facade. It’s simply us.

After our shower, we climb into bed naked or mostly naked. He puts his arm around me as our bodies mold together. Some nights, that’s it. We have our goodnight kiss, say our “You’re my hero”/“You’re my treasure” lines and go to sleep.

The world portrays everything that has to do with nakedness in a sexually perverted way. Rarely is intimacy shown, because the world believes only through sex can intimacy be achieved.

However, it is intimacy that achieves better sex. It is intimacy that builds a stronger marriage.

It’s intimacy in knowing your spouse’s body better than you know your own.
It’s intimacy in open and vulnerable communication.
It’s intimacy in forgiveness and grace.
It’s intimacy in growing old and changing together.
It’s intimacy in sharing hopes and dreams.
It’s intimacy in being in sync.
It’s intimacy in seeking sex that honors the Lord and what He created it to be.
It’s intimacy in being able to lie together, naked and unashamed, experiencing a bit of Eden in your own union.

It is because of our intimacy, often strengthened in the shower, that we have been able to have a thriving, selfless, passionate, honest, joyful, beautiful love affair.

It’s because of our intimacy with each other and our Savior that we have made it when everything else has tried to pull us apart.

The world doesn’t need more carnal narratives. The world doesn’t need more impractical, unrealistic sexual expectations. Marriage doesn’t need any more pressure.

Marriages need thriving sex.
Marriages need vulnerability.
Marriages need intimacy.

There is no greater gift we can give each other than the intertwining of our souls through the intimacy of our union.

 

You may also like: 

I Don’t Want Sex, but I Still Want Intimacy

Hey Hubby? Sex Starts In the Sink.

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Arianna Freelen

Arianna is the wife of a rugged man and a mom of three little princesses. She is a photographer, professional furniture re-arranger, purger of all the things, Celine Dion karaoke queen, and Vanilla Dr. Pepper drinker. She loves to write about her Savior, her role as a wife and mother, and finds fulfillment with her arms full of those she loves most. You can learn more about her life at www.choosingfreelen.com and @choosingfreelen.

5 Kids in the Bible Who Will Inspire Yours

In: Faith, Kids
Little girl reading from Bible

Gathering my kids for morning Bible study has become our family’s cornerstone, a time not just for spiritual growth but for real, hearty conversations about life, courage, and making a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. My oldest, who’s 11, is at that age where he’s just beginning to understand the weight of his actions and decisions. He’s eager, yet unsure, about his ability to influence his world. It’s a big deal for him, and frankly, for me too. I want him to know, deeply know, that his choices matter, that he can be a force for good, just...

Keep Reading

Mad Martha, Mary, Mom, and Me

In: Faith, Living
Woman wrapped in a blanket standing by water

As a brand-new, born-again, un-churched Christian fresh in my new faith with zero knowledge of the Bible, I am steaming, hissing mad when I first read these words from Luke 10:38-42: “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell...

Keep Reading

I Can’t Pray away My Anxiety But I Can Trust God to Hold Me through It

In: Faith, Living
Woman with flowers in field

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid. I was scared of people, of speaking, and even of being looked at. As I got older, I worried about everything. I was aware of the physical impact that stress and worry have on our bodies and our mental health, but I couldn’t break the cycle. I declined invitations and stuck with what I knew. Then we had a child who knew no fear. The person I needed to protect and nurture was vulnerable. There was danger in everything. It got worse. He grew older and more independent. He became a...

Keep Reading

Your Kids Don’t Need More Things, They Need More You

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Mother and young girl smiling together at home

He reached for my hand and then looked up. His sweet smile and lingering gaze flooded my weary heart with much-needed peace. “Thank you for taking me to the library, Mommy! It’s like we’re on a date! I like it when it’s just the two of us.” We entered the library, hand in hand, and headed toward the LEGO table. As I began gathering books nearby, I was surprised to feel my son’s arms around me. He gave me a quick squeeze and a kiss with an “I love you, Mommy” before returning to his LEGO—three separate times. My typically...

Keep Reading

Mom, Will You Pray With Me?

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little girl praying, profile shot

“Will you pray with me?” This is a question I hear daily from my 9-year-old. Her worried heart at times grips her, making it difficult for her to fall asleep or nervous to try something new. Her first instinct is to pray with Mom. Perhaps this is because of how many times her Dad and I have told her that God is with her, that she is never alone, and that she can always come to Him in prayer and He will answer. Perhaps it is because she has seen her Dad and I lean on the Lord in times...

Keep Reading

My Aunt Is the Woman I Want to Become

In: Faith, Living
Woman with older woman smiling

It’s something she may not hear enough, but my aunt is truly amazing. Anyone who knows her recognizes her as one-of-a-kind in the best way possible. It’s not just her playful jokes that bring a smile to my face, her soul is genuinely the sweetest I know. I hope she knows that I see her, appreciate her, and acknowledge all the effort she puts in every day, wholeheartedly giving of herself to everyone around her. When I look back on my childhood, I see my aunt as a really important part of it. We have shared so much time together,...

Keep Reading

A Big Family Can Mean Big Feelings

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Family with many kids holding hands on beach

I’m a mother of six. Some are biological, and some are adopted. I homeschool most of them. I’m a “trauma momma” with my own mental health struggles. My husband and I together are raising children who have their own mental illnesses and special needs. Not all of them, but many of them. I battle thoughts of anxiety and OCD daily. I exercise, eat decently, take meds and supplements, yet I still have to go to battle. The new year has started slow and steady. Our younger kids who are going to public school are doing great in their classes and...

Keep Reading

Motherhood Never Stops, and Neither Does My God

In: Faith, Motherhood
Daughter kisses mother on cheek

I’m standing in the shower rinsing the conditioner out of my hair with a toddler babbling at my feet, running through this week’s dinner menu in my head. “Hmm, this meal would be better suited for this day, so what should we do instead?” or “Maybe we should save that for next week since it’s easy and we will be busy with baseball starting back up. I can work something in that may take more effort in its place.” Being a wife and mother, running a household, it’s about the small moments like this. There’s something about it that is...

Keep Reading

So God Made a Sunday School Teacher

In: Faith, Living
Woman sitting at table surrounded by kids in Sunday school class, color photo

God looked around at all He had created, and He knew He would need someone to teach His children. So God made a Sunday school teacher. God knew He needed someone with a heart and desire to teach children God’s word. God knew the children would act up and made Sunday school teachers with patience and grace to guide them when they step out of line in class. He also made Sunday school teachers with a touch of discretion to know when the stories of a child may be real or imagined. God knew this person would need to be...

Keep Reading

But God, I Can’t Forgive That

In: Faith, Marriage
Woman holding arms and walking by water

Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that...

Keep Reading