Dear anyone who will ever come over to my house someday, 

I know Chip & Joanna have set the bar very high when it comes to home decor and the way a house should look now. However, if you were to visit mine, this is not the kind of magical farmhouse wonderland you would walk into. No, ma’am.

You’d be walking into a different kind of magical wonderland.

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When you open the door into a Chip & Jo farmhouse, chances are you’d be greeted with the cutest doodle dog kisses and wags. In this home, be prepared to be greeted by a herd of human puppies with little fruit-snack fingers who will most certainly leave snot trails on your pants.

This wonderland is one where the carpet is full of orange Goldfish glitter and the hand-me-down furniture has a special kind of marbled look from wiped-up smears.

Here you will find an aroma of cinnamon sugar cookie candle with an undertone of poopy diapers, because the trash can has at least two in it at any given time.

You might expect these walls to have mid-mod farmhouse pendant sconces and centerpiece mantle and A+ schoolwork hanging so preciously from chicken wire . . . but no, friend, no.

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My sconces only look gray from the thick layer of dust, there is no mantle—because children and we can’t have nice things—and the schoolwork that should be hung with care is scattered around the house wherever that precious child might have set it 

This is my reality, and I don’t really want to apologize for my home not looking Insta ready.

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This is me, this is my family, and this is my beautiful chaos.

So, dear friend, if you only want to visit a magical, farmhouse wonderland, you will have to find someone else. This home is a magical, lived-in wonderland, and I’m not sorry.

With love,
Your friend who is a mother