Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

I fell in love with someone yesterday. Actually it has been happening for a few months. I just realized it now. I am almost giddy with it. I am smiling now as I think of this love. 

It’s me. I love ME

In college, I was so excited to branch out of my small town and family. I didn’t want to be compared to anyone else. I found my voice. I was the audacious, fun, friendly girl. I wanted to be friends with everyone and I wanted everyone to be friends with me. I was unfiltered, a little wild, and the center of attention. Young, emotional, immature, and searching for my path. Yet, I always felt like I was losing my grip on the world, spinning out of control. I believed my happiness was found in others by the love that they had for me. I yearned for a great love. I found someone who helped me nurture my love and personality. He accepted me for who I was. So we started to build a life together. 

Fast forward ten years and I lost that girl. Moves, responsibility, and pressure made me pessimistic and scared. It wasn’t just about me anymore. I had a husband and a growing family. With uncertainty of the future and my marriage, I threw my whole self into motherhood. I nursed and stayed home. I gave my preemie son all my love and effort. With a traveling husband, new baby, strained marriage, and depression, I became whatever I needed to be to survive that day. Parenting books and advice had me hopping from one type of mom to another. No friends and just my husbands family, I began to bury my true self to fit in. To be accepted into the culture of the moment. There were very select people that I felt like I could be myself around, although was I really? I was a shell of my former self. All my energy was placed on my marriage, my son and my new baby. I was holding onto a thin rope, trying to keep two people growing apart, together. I was tired all the time. I was lonely and alone. My heart ached. I was unhappy. I knew that the man I loved was slipping away. Saying goodbye to him and our past left me empty. I had nothing left. I believed I was nothing. 

However, I rose from the ashes of my past, my marriage, and my pain to find me again. I didn’t even know I was that far gone. Little by little. Day by day. Hour by hour. Making decisions alone, being away from my children, and  having to focus on me. I was forced to take time for me. I didn’t really know how to do that. So, I turned to Christ. I used to center my world around my husband and sons. Now I center my life around God and His son Jesus. His guidance and words center me. His love and forgiveness ground me. He is showing me what is in my heart. Who I am. And now I am more myself than I have ever been. I am a better mother, friend and daughter because of this. I am more than I ever thought I could be because of the Lord. 

I like me. I am totally crushing on myself right now. This sounds really cocky and arrogant. And that’s okay. It probably is. I don’t want to change just so someone likes me. Take me as I am or lose me forever.

I am not perfect. I have a lot more work to do on myself. I am loud. Literally, I have a really loud voice. I am blunt, rude at times(where I want to stuff my foot in my mouth), kind (so kind at times I end up hurt), loving, fun, wishful, romantic, real, and clumsy. I will make a fool out of myself it it makes my boys laugh. I make jokes when I feel awkward. I want to make people smile and feel special. Just so they can forget their pain for a moment. I love fiercely. I am loyal. I like to hug, kiss, and hold hands. I prefer to be alone and be in the middle of a crowd. At times, I use my words to hurt and cut a person down. I am working on that. My emotions do the talking sometimes. I think a lot. Maybe over think. I care. About people, mother earth, and movements. Family is everything to me. I found my tribe. I feel comfortable with these women. They love me for me and not someone they wish I was. I want to lift these woman up as they do for me. I am becoming more spontaneous and adventurous. (Thank You former husband for teaching me to do this!) My cup is more half full than empty. I see the light more than the dark. I am stronger than I ever thought. I don’t want to be that 20 something girl anymore. I thought I did. She was immature and selfish. She didn’t love herself. Honestly, she would never have been able to get through these last ten months. She was just a baby. Now I am a woman, with battle scars to prove it. 

I know I can be too much sometimes. I am trying to reign that in. Yet, I don’t want that part of me to be silenced. God made me the way I am for a reason. Big personality and all. I am content at this moment with who I am. I am happy. Maybe not with where my life is right now. But I am happy with me. I am happy and proud of who I became and what the future holds for me. I don’t know if I could have said that before. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Katie Weber

Me. My two little men. My second change. Motherhood. Depression. Divorce. Love. God. laugher. Friendship. My lovely. It's all right here. Follow along for more at Lovely in the Dark. 

To The Mother Who Is Overwhelmed

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Tired woman with coffee sitting at table

I have this one head. It is a normal sized head. It didn’t get bigger because I had children. Just like I didn’t grow an extra arm with the birth of each child. I mean, while that would be nice, it’s just not the case. We keep our one self. And the children we add on each add on to our weight in this life. And the head didn’t grow more heads because we become a wife to someone. Or a boss to someone. We carry the weight of motherhood. The decisions we must make each day—fight the shorts battle...

Keep Reading

To the Mother of My Son’s Future Wife

In: Grown Children, Inspiration, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
marriage, wife, husband, grown children, www.herviewfromhome.com

To the mother of my son’s future wife, I’m in the midst of dirty diapers and temper tantrums, but I do have days where I think about the future and what it will look like for my son. I wonder who he will be, what he will do and probably most of all, who he will love. I wonder about the type of woman he will bring home to meet us one day. I have my own thoughts on the type of person I wish my son would fall in love with, but we all know that the heart wants...

Keep Reading

Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith

In: Faith, Inspiration, Relationships
Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith www.herviewfromhome.com

The string quartet began playing Pachelbel, as my dad and I took our first steps down the aisle. I began to lose my composure as we proceeded to the altar. Hundreds of guests had their eyes on me as tears streamed down my face. Struggling to look my future in the eyes, I looked to the ground for reprieve. God, everything around me looks perfect, so why doesn’t this feel right? I’m not sure how I got here. The flame once dancing inside of me, has extinguished. Lord, I need you. Dad squeezed my hand gently, “Are you OK sweetie?”...

Keep Reading

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere

In: Inspiration, Kids, School, Teen
This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere www.herviewfromhome.com

When Paula and Kevin Burckard’s third child was born, she arrived with a little something extra the North Dakota couple never saw coming.  Newborn Grace had Down syndrome, and the diagnosis initially left the young parents devastated. “When Grace was born, I thought all my dreams for my daughter had basically been dashed,” Paula said.  But it didn’t take long for those fears to subside.  As Grace grew, not only did she meet and surpass milestones, her infectious joy, inspirational grit, and deep love of all things Michael Jackson transformed the family—and countless hearts. The Burckhards went on to adopt...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, When I Forget What It’s Like To Be Little

In: Child, Inspiration, Kids, Motherhood
Hey Mom, Don't Forget—You Were a Kid Once, Too www.herviewfromhome.com

The kids were squealing in the backseat. For the five minutes prior they were begging me to spill the beans on where we were going as I had only told them to get their shoes, get in the car and buckle up. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to make a simple trip out of the house one that is a mysterious adventure to them. As we took left and right turns away from our house, they were trying to guess where we were going . . . and when we finally pulled up to a brand new playground...

Keep Reading

My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me

In: Inspiration, Journal, Motherhood
My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me www.herviewfromhome.com

Before I was a mother, I was a human being. A human being with life experiences, passions, fears, talents, hobbies, goals, friends and aspirations that I cherished and tried to honor. Even though I went through a variety of seasons of life . . . from school-age days, to working adult, to wife . . . those things always stayed with me. I stayed open to evolving, but never let go of who I inherently was. Then came motherhood. And suddenly I found myself abandoning my commitment to remain true to me, and leaving any semblance of myself in the...

Keep Reading

My Mother-in-Law’s Legacy: Simplicity

In: Inspiration, Journal
My Mother-in-Law's Legacy: Simplicity www.herviewfromhome.com

The memories of my mother-in-law spilled to the forefront of my mind, just as the contents of his jacket pocket fell onto our dresser. It was Proverbs 31, written on hotel stationery, in my neatest block print. Holding the small papers in my hand brought me right back to her graveside, on a hot summer morning, seven years ago. “Her children arise and call her blessed.” (verse 28) As my second daughter gave a mighty kick from the womb, visible to every mourner present that day, I couldn’t help but to allow my mind to wander. Were my values apparent...

Keep Reading

A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce

In: Inspiration, Journal
A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce www.herviewfromhome.com

I drove back from my son’s college concert near midnight. Exhausted, I glanced at my 14-year-old daughter, Beth, asleep in the passenger seat. We were only 10 minutes from home. I thought I could make it until I heard a road sign flatten on concrete. As the car flipped three times across a bare Ohio field, we left behind an ordinary life. I escaped with cuts, bruises, and blood-matted hair. Beth was another story. The car was cut open and a helicopter rushed her to Toledo. A doctor told my husband John that she was paralyzed. When John broke the news...

Keep Reading

Dear Mama, You’re Allowed To Not Be There

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Dear Mama, You're Allowed To Not Be There www.herviewfromhome.com

Friday afternoon was not much crazier than most afternoons. My husband was mowing the lawn, my daughter was hangry and my youngest son was due to be in a talent show in twenty minutes. I stood in the kitchen—where it seemed like I’d been for an hour—trying to motivate my family to eat dinner and get ready to go. “Get dressed, Jude. Make sure you eat something.” “Dean, do you want a slice of pizza before we leave?” I screamed over the lawn mower. “Maeve, are you going to the optional soccer practice or the talent show? You need to...

Keep Reading