My husband and I obviously want a lot of children, since we now have six little children who fill our home.
But just because we want lots of children does NOT mean I love being pregnant. I just gave birth to our sixth, and let me tell you, the last two weeks of this pregnancy were the hardest during pregnancy I ever experienced.
It was so intense, that I continued to question myself, “Is it worth the pregnancy?”
I wanted to be thankful; thankful that I carried this baby long-term; thankful that baby and I are well and healthy.
Why was the pregnancy so hard? Why did the last two weeks feel longer than the previous eight months?
Baby’s butt was constantly pressed up against my rib cage.
His feet kept doing those special kicks beyond that bubble he should have been in.
When I sat on the floor reading and interacting with my little ones, oh don’t even let me go there . . . that act of trying to stand back up!
I was waking up every other hour in the night to either a contraction or the sudden urge of needing the bathroom.
And then there were those CONTRACTIONS! They started early in the pregnancy (this is normal for me because of my multiple pregnancies). During the last two weeks, I would have contractions all day long. They were bearable ones, but I constantly wondered, “Is this the real deal?” However, evening would come around, I’d take that hot shower, and VOILA! The contractions would subside.
Disappointment was settling in. I was getting discouraged. Every morning I woke up, I, again, was still pregnant.
So, those thoughts arose. Why is this so hard? Is this really worth it?
I’m pretty sure I tried every possible way to naturally induce myself during those last two weeks.
But nope, nothing seemed to trigger labor.
It was a constant battle in my mind. I would remind myself, “I’m so blessed to be carrying this baby! Why am I complaining!?” But then the demands of motherhood, the exhaustion I felt by evening from those contractions made me think differently.
I wanted to complain. I wanted the whole world to know how I felt, that this was not easy.
You know how it all works: the Lord likes to bring people into our lives who know how to sharpen us. There was my husband and a good friend who kept challenging my complaints. They kept me in check.
My wonderful friend constantly challenged me to be thankful, reminding me that there are women who would give anything to be in my position. She was right.
Near the end, my wonderful husband confronted me with the question: “Would you go through this again? Is it worth it?”
I could never get myself to say, “No, I will NEVER go through this again.”
The images of this little newborn, this life placed into my arms, could never get me to agree to that.
So, is a difficult pregnancy worth it? For me, yes. It’s worth every little life that is created because of me. It’s worth every soul Jesus may know because of me.
Yes; it’s all worth it.
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