Some Days We’re Strangers, Some Days We’re Stronger

Some days we’re strangers. Some days we’re stronger. It’s a feeling I’ve stumbled across in my marriage, particularly after we became parents. Some days, I look across the room and see a superhero. Other days, it feels like I’m looking at someone I barely recognize. I often look in the mirror and say the exact same things about myself. Every day tells a different story. We are faced with different versions of ourselves as parents . . . and partners.

It may sound harsh, but it’s the honest truth. I also know I wouldn’t trade a moment of either day for the world. The ups and downs of marriage can feel so extreme some days. Some days the person sharing a home and a life with you can feel like someone you don’t even know. Other days, it feels like the two of you could take on the world if you had to. And you probably could. And one day you just might have to.

But those stranger days, those are tough. They are no one’s fault in particular. It’s the days when the sheer exhaustion of parenting and life has taken over. When one of you barely crawls to your room after putting down your 5-year-old for the night while the other one falls asleep on the couch because they physically can’t make it up the stairs. They aren’t banished to the couch from a fight. They aren’t choosing to spend the night away from their partner, they just let the exhaustion win this day. The stranger day.

And then the next morning, you wake up and find a pot of coffee already made. You are going through the normally chaotic morning routing effortlessly, dividing and conquering to make sure everyone’s day gets off on the right foot from the start. There are sleepy smiles and a little more patience than other mornings. A stronger day.

All good things come to an end. The toddler has been extra moody all day. It’s laundry day and there are 800 dishes in the sink. Even the cat has been whining all day. Then the “I’m working late” text comes and everything just gets a million times worse. When that door finally opens, it does so just in time for a quick goodnight while Mom shuffles off to what is sure to be a bedtime disaster and Dad grabs the cold dinner from the microwave. No adult conversation was had. Suddenly, the strong couple from this morning has become strangers again.

One of the hardest parts is that we aren’t even always in sync. Some days, I want to have endless conversations and tackle everything on our to-do list while my husband needs some room to breathe and a break. Other days, we have somehow switched roles entirely.

But if we’ve learned anything in parenting, and in life, it’s that a new day always comes. It comes quickly and quietly and just a few hours later, it feels like a whole other world altogether. So that’s what we cling to on the stranger, struggle-filled day—the hope that tomorrow will be brighter, that the sun will rise, and that we will wake up the stronger couple we know we are.