In my life, I have been single – I don’t know something ridiculous – like a shallow handful of months since the ripe age of sixteen. It sounds completely horrible. I am a serial monogamous. There I said it. Isn’t it all about taking that first step towards recovery? Anyway, I never participated in casual dating, random hook-ups, etc. When I met someone I knew in an instance if it was going to be a long-term relationship, and if not, adios.
I always felt I needed a person in my life to fulfill some dreadful missing piece. I discovered the hard way that it’s really more so, about choosing to have love in your life once you are secure on your own.
There were times in my life where I filled a void for the person I was dating by boosting their confidence and being their biggest cheerleader. I have also needed in relationships, where I was feeling insecure and around the corner was Mr. Charmer, boom crisis averted! Or, so I thought.
This type of relationship is seriously dangerous. It may help repair your troubled heart temporarily, but this quote below about needs in relationship says it all, have a look.
Isn’t this fascinating? It makes so much sense.
The ‘meet cute’ eons ago…
It was fall in good ole’ 1998, just off the campus at EIU. My roommates and I were hosting an epic Halloween party(I never use that word by the way). Jake showed up that night and would go on to tell you that he snatched a smooch from me, but I’m still not buying it. I have faint memories of a hand-full of conversations with him that semester, but in a flash I never saw him again.
Unbeknownst to me Jake had left school to enlist in the USAF. Now, we hardly spoke that semester, but without a doubt, I know now that God was preparing something magnificent for the two of us.
Eight years later…
I was twenty-seven and encountering a difficult period in my life. I married prematurely, I had insecurities I needed to be fulfilled as did my significant other at the time and not long after saying, ‘I Do’ we were saying, ‘Good bye.’ Though it was a rough chapter in my life, I grew so close to God in spite of it. I decided during this time, to give the reigns of my life over to God and I knew I was in good hands.
It was beautiful spring day, when I received a friend request on MySpace. MySpace, yes I know I’m decrepit. At first I didn’t recognize who this tall, dark, and delicious, guy was. I sent a message to him saying hello and asked him how we knew each other.
Jake wrote back explaining our acquaintances from EIU and it started to trigger my few memories of him. Jake also mentioned he was in pilot training in Texas, but would be back in Chicago the next week. He asked me out on our first date to a Chicago Bulls playoff game. This was basically a blind date, it had been so long since we had last seen each other. Under normal circumstances I would have said absolutely not, but something inside of me felt comfortable with responding – yes.
I have no recollection of who won the game that day, I don’t remember the names of any of the players on the team, but I will never forget the way Jake smiled at me when we saw each other for the first time and the feeling of peace I had from the moment we said hello.
We’ve grown up since that first meeting back when were just teenagers. It wasn’t our time then. Our needs were not each others burdens, we were choosing each other just as we were. To be honest, this choice came with its challenges; a long distance relationship, unexpected deployments and a plethora of zip codes, but despite it all, almost nine years later, I still choose us.
*Interesting food for thought:
Need: requirement, necessary duty, or obligation
Choose: something that is preferred or preferable to others; the best part of something
When I see the definitions of these two words, this is the analogy that comes to mind:
*I need to eat brussels sprouts, broccoli and carrots, but I choose to eat a red velvet cupcake with extra cream cheese frosting.
For anyone reading this that is single, there is a person for you out there. Dig deep using your mind, body and soul through spiritual growth, artistic expression, working out or whatever makes your soul dance and the rest will fall into place. Your needs are for you and God to work out, but choose a person to be the icing on your cake.