By Jordan Doland 
For four years, I waited to have my “but God” story. The testimony to share a miracle only God can do. The perfect timing in the waiting season. When I could share the struggles of my life, but at the end be able to just say, “but God!”
That testimony started for me on October 2, 2024.
My husband and I were celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary and my thirtieth birthday on a trip of a lifetime. We had just spent five days in Lisbon and were onto our second stop in Rome. My period was supposed to start around the time we got to Rome.
We had two beautiful children and had been trying for another for four years, experiencing a miscarriage and chemical pregnancy during that time. We knew and believed in God’s perfect plan. We knew we were in the waiting season and were trying to be patient about when our next miracle would come.
Three days before my birthday, my period was two days late and I was not feeling great. I kept telling myself it was probably from all the travel.
Two days before my birthday, I woke up early and anxious. I didn’t wake my husband in case the test I was about to take was negative, as it had been many times before. I went into the bathroom and started the process. Before looking at the result, I started recording on my phone and praying. “Please, Lord. Please, Lord. Please, Lord.” I turned over the pregnancy test and saw two clear and dark lines. It was positive. I was pregnant.
The next few moments are a blur. I felt like I was on top of a mountain. Relief filled my body. A giant weight lifted from my shoulders.
Our miracle story. Our “but God!”
We were on this trip with two other couples we work with in ministry and do life alongside, including our pastors. I knew there was no way we could hold our excitement in. We had been open about our story and struggles and knew they had been praying with us. As soon as we saw them, the secret was out. They cheered, hugged us, and cried with us.
The rest of the trip was filled with pastries and walking tours, and I bought a baby onesie from Rome to celebrate this special moment. We could tell this baby we found out about them in Rome. Celebrating ten years married. My thirtieth birthday. Our miracle story.
When we got home about a week later, we told our kids and families. The joy we shared, especially with our kids, is something I will always hold in my heart. Both of our kids had been praying and wanting a little brother or sister so badly. We started a list of names, looking at houses because we needed another bedroom, and planning our future with this third baby.
I scheduled my first ultrasound at 8-weeks pregnant, but anxiety and worry took over the night before. What if there was no heartbeat? What if something was wrong?
I hadn’t been to an ultrasound appointment in more than six years, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. When they took us back to the room, I remember being almost frozen in that moment, praying there would be a heartbeat.
And there was. It’s a sound that will be in my mind forever. The most beautiful sound. A perfectly healthy baby. A miracle baby. A “but God” baby.
We knew we wanted to share our news with our church family, as many of them knew our story and had been praying with us. Drew preached an incredible message in early November about legacy, and at the end of his sermon, he shared our news. Tears and cheers filled the room. So many people loved on us and shared in our joy. We shared our “but God” story with those who needed a reminder that God can and does perform miracles.
November 17, 2024 was another Sunday, and another typical day with our church family. We had just celebrated our oldest turning nine. People were still coming up to me and hugging me. But when we got home after church, I had a scare—cramping and blood. Not a lot, but enough to make me worry. We decided to go to the ER, not because we thought something was seriously wrong, but so we could be reassured everything was fine.
But it wasn’t. Everything wasn’t fine. My worst nightmare was coming true. We were miscarrying.
Our miracle baby. Our “but God” story. Gone.
Pain and heartbreak filled our home. Confusion rattled me. I didn’t understand. Why give us our miracle story, only to take it away?
It took awhile for me to be able to talk to God again after that. I tried to stay busy so I didn’t have to sit in the quiet and in my thoughts and emotions. I was mad, sad, embarrassed, and still confused.
When I finally built up the courage to sit in the stillness and hear from God, a wave of relief washed over me. I had been holding everything in. And I was finally able to release it all to our loving Father, the God who can and does perform miracles. He gave us a miracle. Something we had prayed about for so long. Though it didn’t end the way we wanted, it doesn’t diminish the miracle. Our “but God” story didn’t end there. It’s still going. It’s still happening.
Our past, present, and future miracles are in His hands and in his timing. Our “but God” story continues.
by Marissa Khosh 
by Jamie Sumner 
