Chocolate chips. Cookies. Frosting. Cookies dipped in frosting. Lots and lots of food.
Really any food, will do.
All consumed by me, in one sitting, in a very short amount of time.
I know its wrong. I know it before and during but especially after.
I feel fat, ugly, shame, full, happy, sad, embarrassed. A wide mix of emotions.
Wondering if anyone will walk in when it’s happening, will anyone know the food is missing, will someone later on compliment me on my weight loss making me feel guilty for binging just before this making the cycle start all over again?
These questions run through my head every.time.
Food consumes a lot of my brain space, constantly keeping track of calories, focusing on when and what I will eat next, trying to talk myself out of wanting this or that. It overwhelms my thoughts only making the situation worse.
Food, its such a crazy thing.
Yet, its a requirement to live. You can’t just stop or give it up.
But for me, It’s an addiction and ultimately an eating disorder.
Binge Eating Disorder.
I hate to call it that.
It’s so looked down upon in society to admit you have an eating disorder or any kind of ‘disorder’.
But it’s time to break down those barriers and call it what it is.
Because I know I am not alone.
And that’s exactly what my goal is, to bring awareness and not shame or hate towards yourself or others who struggle.
So many people deal with this but are too ashamed to admit it.
If you are reading this and this sounds like you, I want you to know you aren’t alone. And there is help!
I am so thankful for the help I have received. I encourage you to seek help even if that means you start by telling one of your closest friends.
I’m not perfect by any means and still slip up but the first step is realizing you are struggling.
There is freedom on the other side and I want those struggling with eating disorders to experience that freedom!
*To get help please contact a professional or go to the national eating disorder website.