Shop the fall collection ➔

*Spoiler Alert*

Before you consider bashing me for hating on this critically acclaimed and predicted Oscar-nominated movie, hear me out.

I know A Star is Born is a classic that has been redone four times now, most recently starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. I only knew it was a remake because when I asked my mom to go see it with me, she said she had seen the Barbara Streisand version and really enjoyed it. That was all the knowledge I had about the movie.

I was really looking forward to this musical drama. The commercials already had me falling in love and EVERYONE was raving about it.

So we went. We had a mother-daughter date night and headed over to find our reclined seating at the theater. I was hooked from the moment it started. I was jamming out to the music and in love with the romance that was alive on screen, just like everyone said.

But as Bradley Cooper’s character started to fall deeper into his demons, my heart raced a little more. And then as he began to share about his past, as if he were going to overcome it all by being brave and seeking help, I was elated with excitement that the good would prevail.

Only then, I watched him leave his cocoon of daily self-care and providers who walked alongside him, and find himself alone in his feelings again. In a life of fear of sharing the truth. In a place of shame for past mistakes.

Just like every other viewer, I yearned to make the world right for him. And then, he determined the best way to save everyone was to disappear.

I’m going to warn you that if you haven’t seen the movie, you probably don’t want to continue reading. But in the spirit of saving someone else from what I experienced, I must spoil the ending. If you have experienced trauma through the demons of drugs, alcohol, or suicide, read on because this warning is for you.

I, like many others in our society, have been personally affected by the loss of a loved one to suicide. I wish I could say I am alone in this and that no one else around me as been affected either, but I can’t. Specifically, I have lost loved ones to the method of hanging, which was depicted in this movie.

To sit in a theater and watch this man misunderstand the situation because of another’s influence and because he struggled to be honest in his pain, even with those he loved—it wrecked me. To watch him say his goodbyes to his wife and his dog, even while seeing that he didn’t really want to die, left me in a pit of despair. I was so sad and overwhelmed for this created character because it was so real. His pain that was created for a movie is the pain that so many others experience. Even witnessing the authorities arriving to find his lifeless body brought back memories of those who found my loved ones, having to tell me what had occurred.

I struggled to put into words what I had experienced during this movie. I was in that same pit of despair throughout the rest of the night and into the following day. I kept thinking of everyone who said, “It’s such a great movie!” And I really tried to agree.

I loved the music and had a new appreciation for the actors, the imagery in the film was great, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. My mom and I even tried to listen to the music the next morning and I had to turn it off because I found it too depressing.

I found myself repeating, it was just a movie, it was just a movie, it was just a movie. With that and several prayers, I was able to finally let it go and move on.

But ever since, I have seen the rave reviews continue and I keep feeling that others must agree with me, too. Others must have wished they had been told.

Because if I had been warned that suicide was involved in the movie, I would not have gone.

Rebecca Spohr

Rebecca is a mother to a handsome 10-month-old boy and wife to her husband of 3 years. They live in Huntington Beach, California where they run two businesses out of there home, allowing them to spend lots of time with their son. Rebecca and her husband met in Olathe, Kansas and moved to California in 2006. They are still very attached to the midwest and travel to see family as much as possible.

I’ll Find Her Again One Day

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother holding baby at night

It happened again. Took 15 months this time. But I found myself in the same spot I said I’d never be in. Lost, drowning, on the brink of a mental breakdown—however you want to put it. I was gone in motherhood. With the diapers piling up around me, I was getting mad at my husband for nothing, screaming at my oldest son, crying along with the babies, and in a fog. RELATED: To the Woman Who’s Lost Herself in Motherhood I couldn’t do anything—literally—I couldn’t even pee without hearing a demand. When my children were quiet, my house billowed with...

Keep Reading

I Want Friends Who Grow Old with Me

In: Friendship, Living
Friends laughing

When I grow older, I want my friends to come with me. I want us to sit on porches sipping tea and watching the young walk by. I want us to scoot around on our scooters or on golf carts because none of us want to walk back home from the beach. I want us to sit in restaurants and order whatever we want because life has become too short and we know it, so cheesecake it is. RELATE: Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends I want morning strolls together to get the willies out, and...

Keep Reading

To the Mom In the Trenches: Make Room For Yourself

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and daughter on beach black and white photo

“I need to make room for myself,” I think quietly as I shove toys aside with my foot and toss the dog-hair-covered blankets onto the couch behind me. This endless carousel of shuffling clutter weighs on me, but I try not to dwell on that fact right now. Clearing a space for a quick strength class between Zoom calls requires almost as much effort as the class itself. Plastic play food and melodic baby toys lay strewn about the room (the whole house, really). Scattered LEGOs and Hot Wheels wait to attack unsuspecting bare feet at any moment. To say...

Keep Reading

“Old” Seems Less Old the Older I Get

In: Living
Mother and teen daughter smiling

Growing up, my grandparents hosted birthday parties that involved all of my dad’s aunts and uncles gathering around the kitchen table with a deck of pinochle cards dealt among them. After a few games, a “lunch” of sandwiches, cake, and hot cups of coffee would be served.  I remember looking at the people gathered around that table—wrinkled fingers raking in cards, deep, scratchy voices calling out bids and naming trump, laughter mingled with German words I didn’t understand. The kids were never invited to the table, only allowed to watch from the outskirts.  We were too young. And they were...

Keep Reading

I Love Being a Mom, But I Miss That Party Girl Sometimes

In: Living, Motherhood
Girl at bar in black tank top

It’s 7 p.m. on a Saturday night. Freshly showered and ready to take on whatever the night brings. I’ve just gotten dressed and am finishing up my makeup when the phone rings. “Hey, I’m about to leave in half an hour. Do you want to meet around 8 p.m.?” “Sure! I’m almost ready. I’ll be there at 8!” I say excitedly. I finish my makeup and start working on my hair when a text comes through. “Hey, Ash! Just wanted to let you know we’ll be there around 9 but we’re definitely going to make it! I can’t wait to...

Keep Reading

Christmas + ’90s TV Nostalgia? Yes, Please!

In: Living
Candace Cameron Bure, Jodie Sweetin, Andrea Barber Full House friends at wedding

Why is it that the older I get, the more nostalgic I become about the ’90s?  Maybe it’s because it was a simpler time: No social media. The only cell phones we’d ever seen belonged to Zack Morris from Saved By the Bell and Macaulay Caulkin in Richie Rich. The height of cool was owning a hair crimper and that clear corded phone (bonus points if it was connected to a dedicated teen line). And you knew it was going to be a great day when you started the tape recorder in time to get all of MmmBop! on your...

Keep Reading

Not Everyone Is Meant to Stay In Your Life Forever. . . And That’s Okay

In: Friendship, Living
black and white shot from behind of a woman

It’s so weird how someone can be in your life, every single day, and then one day not be there anymore. Whether it’s a friend, significant other, or family member. Maybe the relationship ended on good terms. Maybe it was an “I think our time together is done, I wish you the best” type of thing. Or maybe it was completely devastating. Regardless, it’s so strange that relationships can change so immensely and quickly. You may not be at a place of peace with it yet, and that’s okay. Sometimes the end of a relationship can literally be one of...

Keep Reading

There Were No Black Disney Princesses When I Was Growing Up, So I Can’t Wait for “The Little Mermaid”

In: Living
little girl who wanted to be a princess

There has been so much controversy around the Little Mermaid being Black. I try to only focus on the videos of the little girls seeing the trailer for the first time. Every time a video comes up of a little girl’s reaction, I stop to watch it. I stop because that little girl is me. With each squeal, smile, and gasp, the little girl inside of me cries because they get to see what I didn’t. RELATED: We Got a Sneak Peek into Disney’s New “The Little Mermaid,” and My 90s Kid Heart Is So Excited Growing up, Ariel was...

Keep Reading

Grandparents Give Us Bonus Love That We Should Never Take for Granted

In: Living
grandma and grandpa swinging grandson outside

Three of my four grandparents had passed away by the time I was a child. I had a grandma, who was wonderful, but who I really only saw once a year because we lived in different states. All that to say, grandparents were not a big part of my life. So, watching my kids grow up with grandparents in their daily life has been incredibly beautiful to watch. I remember friends of mine growing up talking about their grandparents like they were their favorite people on earth. I remember how heartbroken friends were when their grandparents passed. I didn’t understand...

Keep Reading

Dear Moms, Keep Your Table Open

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Women smiling

The old Girl Scouts saying “Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other’s gold” couldn’t ring truer than it does in mom friendships. We all know this time of having young children and motherhood gives us very little opportunity to catch up with old friends or even make new friends, but I say keep your table open to both. You know the old lunch table from our childhood days where you got nervous going back to school not knowing who you were going to sit with? Now as an adult, I always keep my table...

Keep Reading