Gifts for Dad ➔

This article is meant for the woman who is expecting her first child. Congratulations to you momma. I am so happy for you and wish you all the best. You are in for a lifetime of happiness and joy, and also a whole lot of crazy. There are a lot of articles out there for expectant moms that talk about the joys of motherhood, or tips on how to survive, but here are the top ten things I’ve learned since becoming a mom four months ago myself. Take heart, it’s a great adventure.

Days of eating meals with your spouse are over.  

If you’re the type of person who enjoys setting the table and sharing a nice home cooked meal with your husband at night, you can forget that. Once you have a baby, you can kiss mealtime goodbye. My husband and I usually do a rotation with dinner that has worked pretty well for us. He comes home from work and takes the baby while I prepare dinner. I usually prepare some cheap not homemade easy to throw together meal so that my tired husband doesn’t have to entertain our child too long. Once I get everything cooked, I bring my husband his plate and then it’s my turn to take the baby. We swap. He eats, and i entertain. When he is done eating, it’s my turn. We swap again. You get the idea. We don’t eat together. The only time that we do eat together is when we are chowing down on fast food in the car, as we drive aimlessly around town to keep our sleeping child from waking up in the backseat. Not very romantic I know, but hey we take what we can get. 

There is laundry, so much laundry.

How such a tiny person can create so much laundry is something I ponder on a daily basis. I went from doing maybe two loads a week to doing two loads a day, and all we’ve added is a 14 lb, 24 in baby boy. Crazy, i know. Such a little boy however comes with many things that need cleaning…onesies, sleepers, crib sheets, pack n play sheets, blankets, sleepers, burp cloths, swaddlers, changing pad covers, towels, and so on and so on and so on. I swear the things in his laundry basket go on a mating frenzy and multiply overnight. Let me also throw this out there -that dreft, you know that cute but super expensive laundry detergent with the baby’s face on it, is going to be your best friend once you become  a mom. There will be many times that you end up using it on your own laundry, because a- it smells so good, and b-you use it so much it almost makes you question whether you should just solely use that one detergent. Anyways, if your a new mom, get ready for laundry to become a big part of your life. Learn to love it. Learn to embrace it. Because if not, it will bury you alive, literally.

Your legs are almost always never shaved, and your hair is almost always in a bun. 

This speaks for itself. 

You buy clothes based on how well you think they would absorb vomit

First of all if you don’t like vomit, you probably shouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I always knew babies were notorious for spitting up a lot, but now that I am a mom, I am astounded at the amount of vomit that ends up on my clothes, and in my hair, and down my shirt every single day. The fact that such a tiny cute human could expel such copious amounts of the gooey smelly mess is beyond me. I used to wake up and go to my closet, and pick out whichever outfit stood out to me that day as one that I would like to wear. Now, everything has changed. Suddenly I have become the mom who meticulously picks out her clothes based on how well they absorb and hide vomit. I look for lighter colors, as they tend to mask the stain well. Black, the color which I used to love, has suddenly become my arch nemesis. The thicker the shirt the better, and scarves have become wonderful accessories. The art of shopping has suddenly become much more stressful then I ever anticipated. 

Every TV show and movie you watch suddenly becomes a sob fest. 

If your a new mom I urge you to think long and hard before starting your next Netflix or Hulu endeavor. I advise you to stay off the Hallmark channel, and avoid shows such as Parenthood and movies like My Sisters Keeper. All those shows you used to watch without batting an eye or will suddenly turn you into a blubbering mess with a snotty nose. You’ll suddenly see your child in every character, from the ones who get kidnapped and abused, to the ones who end up sick with cancer. I’m telling you, just don’t do it. Think long and hard about what you watch. Your mommy filter is on now. 

Your whole day becomes revolved around how you can fit in a shower. 

Gone are the days of waking up and starting my day with a nice hot shower. I’m usually woken up to the sound of angry cries from my hungry baby in the next room over. My day starts as soon as he wakes up, so I start my day in my pj’s and messy bun. He tends to cry if he’s not getting near constant attention, so his nap time is the only time I have to try and fit in my beloved shower. The first nap of the day, I immediately try and take care of everything, such as emptying the dishwasher, starting my load of laundry, filling the pellet stove, and preparing his food. Nap time is usually a race against the clock, so I do these tasks in superhero time, hoping to give myself enough of a chance to shower. Some mornings I am lucky, and he will nap just long enough for me to dry off and put some clean clothes on (only to get spit up on a few minutes later) and other times I am not so lucky, and he will wake up screaming just as I put one foot in and turn on the water. Crap. When that happens I’m usually out for the count. His next nap time is so late in the day that I usually don’t see a reason to shower at that point, especially considering I’m a stay at home mom and the only people who might see me that day is the Walmart greeter and the bank teller. Oh well, we’ll try again tomorrow. Or not. Like I said it’s an all day mission.

You will wonder if it’s possible for a baby to be born bipolar.

The first few weeks home with my son I honestly wondered this. I didn’t understand how one minute he could be screaming bloody murder, and the next minute be full of smiles. You know in TV shows how they show a little devil on one shoulder, and an angel on the other…well they definitely were inhabiting my son’s shoulders as well. He had to be bipolar, there’s no way he could turn from this sweet angelic little bundle of sugar to this demonic satanic wretched screaming boy?! But seriously. So my advice, savor every good moment, because with the flip of a switch it could be over just like that. 

“Mom brain” is a real thing. 

I think that ADD should automatically be a diagnosis for women when they become moms. I know for me in just the span of a day I have thousands and thousands of thoughts cross my mind. “When will he wake up?” “Is he still breathing?” “Don’t forget to let the dog out.” “I wonder where we should go on vacation next year.” “I wish it was bed time.” “Should his poop be that color?”And so forth, you get the idea. I fill my brain with reminders, worries, questions, dreams, and memories. It’s constantly going at warp speed, and it doesn’t slow down. Ever. No wonder I can’t remember where I put my keys, or if I paid the mortgage, or heck what your last name is. I can’t remember it all, give me a break!

You reach a new level of tired. 

In the early days of motherhood, you’ll wonder how in the world am i still alive? I know I did. You’ll wake up after being up all night, running on no sleep, and hardly any food, and you’ll think this is it, i’m going to die today. It’s exhausting. It’s mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. Every square inch of your body is tired, not to mention you just had a baby so yeah there’s that. Good news to you momma’s is we all survive. No matter how run down you feel, or how overcome with exhaustion you become, you will survive. You will get through. 

You have never felt so much love in your whole life. 

It’s true. No matter how tired and worn out or frustrated I am, I am amazed at how much love and adoration I have for my son. I look at him and find peace, and happiness. All is right in the world when he smiles. I wish I could freeze time when he giggles. I look in his eyes and all I can do is melt. My heart is full, overflowing, and saturated with love for him. Nothing, not even endless piles of laundry, and bouts of incessant crying could ever change that. He is my greatest joy. 

Enjoy this crazy, beautiful journey you are about to embark on. We are all rooting for you. 

Bonnie Ashby

I am a wife of three years, to my high school sweetheart Isaac. We have one child, a son, Josiah who will be three months next week. We live in what we like to call potato country, a small town in northern Maine, next to the Canadian border. Isaac sells lawn tractors for a living, and is our church's youth worship leader as well. I have recently just become a stay at home momma, fulfilling a long time dream of mine. I am passionate about writing and seeing Jesus move through the power of his words through me. I long for his kingdom to come, and my desire is to be a part of that.

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 Years

In: Humor, Relationships
How to Stay Married For (at Least) 10 years www.herviewfromhome.com

In July, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. We got married back in 2008 following my college graduation. I was only 22 at the time and him? Well, he was all good-looking at the prime age of 30. There were may vocal skeptics who chimed in, unasked of course, to share with us their belief that we would “never last” and that it would “never work”. To them, I say, “You were wrong! Na-na, na-na, boo-boo!” Just kidding, of course; I don’t talk like that. I am a respectable mother, not a four-year-old child and thank goodness...

Keep Reading

How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps

In: Humor, Kids
How to Put Your Children to Bed in 46 Easy Steps www.herviewfromhome.com

It was time. It had to happen. We’d had a good run at pouring our children into bed at 11:30 p.m., sweaty, sticky, and exhausted from their head to their toes.  But bedtime had to get back to its (somewhat) regularly scheduled program.  When we had one kid, bedtime was a breeze.  Each night, we had a 10 step process. And the steps were simple. And very, very routine. 1. Toys away at 7:10 p.m. 2. Up the stairs at 7:15 p.m. 3. Change into pajamas 4. Brush teeth 5. Read two books 6. Say prayers 7. Light off 8....

Keep Reading

Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to the Dreaded Man Cold Season www.herviewfromhome.com

Your husband has a mere headache, but he automatically now believes that he is going to be a chronic sufferer of cluster migraines. Or, maybe he got a small splinter, but he now believes that he is, without probability, going to end up with a staph infection. And, well, that cough of his (cough, cough) is going to have him laid up in bed for the next two days because he is just feeling so terrible. Sound familiar? It is all too familiar to me. What am I talking about? How men are babies when they get sick. Yes, I said it. I...

Keep Reading

Wanted: Imperfect Friends

In: Humor, Relationships
Wanted: Imperfect Friends www.herviewfromhome.com

Is anyone else as sick of the facade as I am?  Because on social media, everyone seems to have their crap together. But I sure don’t.  Scrolling through my feeds leaves me feeling inadequate and lonely, desperately lonely.  I know social media is only the high points. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But at the end of the day, I just feel like there’s no one who would want to be friends with little, imperfect, insignificant, me.  So, I’m placing an ad.  Wanted: Imperfect Friends A kind, but quirky,...

Keep Reading

51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late

In: Humor, Motherhood
51 Reasons a Mom Might Be Late www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ve got a question for all you moms out there: Have you ever been late? Yeah, me neither. Just kidding! We’ve all been there. We have an appointment, a meeting, an event, or just a playdate, and we want to be on time. In fact, it often looks and feels like we’re going to be on time. We’ve planned ahead. We have everything in order, and we are ready to head out the door. But then, without fail, the inevitable happens. Actually, it seems that a good number of inevitables happen. And we’re running late, again. Being on time is...

Keep Reading

5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun

In: Humor, Kids
5 Ways Boy Moms Always Ruin Our Fun www.herviewfromhome.com

We know Mom loves us, don’t worry about that . . . but sometimes it seems like she’s just making up a whole pile of rules to ruin our fun. For instance, we’ll be in the middle of a huge independent project and she’ll come along, usually shriek, and be like, “You can’t use water guns to fill up the bathtub! And why are you shooting water into the toilet? Ewwwwww.” And just like that, we have to pack it all up and return to a clean orderly activity. A controlled activity. A zero fun activity. We’re not even sure...

Keep Reading

Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit?

In: Humor, Journal
Should Grandparents Get Paid to Babysit? www.herviewfromhome.com

While swaying in side-by-side hammocks, my daughter paid me the ultimate compliment: “It gives me enormous peace of mind while I’m working, to know you’re watching my son and that he’s in the most capable hands.” Then 10 seconds later while I was still orbiting in happy mode, she insulted me by offering to PAY me for this glorious privilege. We engaged in a little tit for tat tug of war with no clear winner. And the debate rages on, at least in our household. How about yours? To pay or not to pay the loving grandparents who bless us...

Keep Reading

Kids Today Will Never Know the Joy of a 90s Summer

In: Humor

So you want a good old fashioned 90s summer, huh? I don’t blame you. The 90s rocked! (Literally, thanks to Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder.) I’m not going to lie—I take slight offense to the use of “old fashioned” and “90s” in the same sentence, as I’m pretty sure the 90s were like 10 years ago, but I’ll still help you out. If you’re really doing this though, you’ll need to ditch some of your modern conveniences, like your phone. I know, I know, but it’s a requirement. You may bring a beeper or clunky flip-phone, but no internet allowed...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber

In: Humor, Kids
Dear Kids, This Is Not An Uber www.herviewfromhome.com

Paid automotive transportation is pretty simple. You hop in the backseat of a cab, share the address where you are going and aren’t required to speak any longer until you arrive at your destination and pay the driver. The same primary rules apply to taking an Uber or Lyft.  The unwritten rules have been in place for some time. Your trade-off for taking paid transportation is a ride in the backseat, where you don’t have control over the music, the temperature of the car, the route the driver takes or how fast the trip takes, not even the amount of...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Proven techniques to build REAL connections