I really do believe God has a plan. I know it’s way bigger than any of us can imagine. But that is also why it’s so hard to understand and TRUST. You see it’s easy to TRUST God when life appears to be going good. Many times we have gone through hard situations. We are on the up hill path and getting back to the “normal”…a word I really dislike. There is nothing “normal” about my life now compared to 23 months ago. The normal I once knew has been changed forever. Change is not easy…that I do understand. My family is still going through changes since we lost our son in August of 2013.

We are getting close to that 2 year mark. Two years how can it almost be 2 years since that terrible night. But in the same sentence, it’s only 2 years? It seems still so long till we  see him again. It is getting to that point where people talk about him less. Or maybe they don’t know what we will do if they bring his name up. Some days it makes me want to scream. How could we forget our child, our son, a brother, and grandson? It’s not possible for us. Yes, we want to talk about him! He was in our life for 15 years. He was a best friend to his sister who cries and misses him terribly till this day. He was the middle brother to my oldest, who wishes he could have his brother by his side working on his derby car. Yes, we miss him! Yes, we want to talk about him. Yes, we may cry. Please don’t forget him or stop talking about him. It’s easy to see how others do go back to their normal life. The pain they had is less. They are not the ones who lived with him. Who now wake up and have one less mouth to feed, one less person to hug, say good night, and “I Love You” to.

Does it get easier? I wish I could say yes, but I would have to say NO! I still have an ache in my heart. I still miss him like it was yesterday that the accident happened. My husband says for him it is harder. He would do anything for Tyler to be back here with him right now. I do hope as time goes on we learn to adjust. I do know I will never forget him. I will always have that smile of his embedded in my memory. The hardest part as a parent is feeling so helpless when you see your other children cry. I just wish I could kiss it, put a band-aid on it and make it all better. Just like I did when they were little. Unfortunately it’s not that easy.

I guess that is when we need to pray more and TRUST God. Believe with all our being that He really is way bigger than all of us. He places things in our path for a reason not by coincidence. He has a plan to do great things if we just listen and follow. I always think of this bible verse, “Here on earth you will find many trials & sorrows. But take heart, because I have over come the world.”

John 16:33

 

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Missy Hillmer

Missy Hillmer is a writer, photographer, wife, mother, creative lady whose mind is constantly on the go. She loves coffee, dark chocolate especially with nuts, music soothes her soul and being outside in the sun recharges her body. She has an angel in Heaven. Her faith is what gets her through each day. Since her son Tyler’s accident she is passionate about telling her story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person who has lost a child.

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