Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

You come home from work and find me in the kitchen. I’m pretending to do dishes, bent over the sink, trying to hide my tears. You hug me, and I think maybe you haven’t noticed. 

Then our 4-year-old says, “Mommy is sad.”

Now you know. I look up at you, knowing how bad I must look. 

While you open chips and dip for lunch, ask me, “What is the hardest part? What do you think you need to do to feel better?”

Your trust lets me know I already have the answer, somewhere. I just need to look.

Then ask me, “What can I do to help you?

Take the kids and pretend to be a bear in the living room and make them giggle while I cry in our room and wipe my nose with the washcloth from the bath.

RELATED: Dear Husband of an Overwhelmed Wife: She Needs a Break

Take the kids for a drive so they fall asleep. Give me silence so I can listen to quiet piano music and mop the floor. Don’t ask me why I’m not resting. This is resting.

Give me your body. Say, “Do you need a hug?”

Say, “I love you. You’re doing a great job.”

Listen quietly when I tell you I can’t keep up. I can’t stay skinny and patient and keep the dog hair off the stairs.

I’ve forgotten how to keep going. 

Don’t be offended when I tell you the only thing making me happy right now is sneaking in the kids’ room at night to see them asleep sideways in bed with their arms out wide buried under a pile of books.

RELATED: ‘She’s Not Broken’: To The Husband Whose Wife is Struggling with Anxiety

Take me outside.

Make me dinner.

Say thank you for the boring dinner I made.

Commiserate. “I’m not feeling very motivated lately, either.”

Be stable and flawed and strong and mine.

Drink wine with me in the rain on the porch.

Tell me, “This is a season,” because I forget.

RELATED: To the Husband Whose Wife Has Depression

Just love me when I’m sad. 

Love,
Your wife who has real feelings and struggles and who loves all of you always, too.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Genny Rietze

Genny Rietze lives on the beach in Alaska with her husband, two busy kids, and twenty chickens.  You can find her on Instagram @gennyrietze 

I Will Not Shame My Body the Way My Mother Did

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman standing in field wearing floral dress

The words we say about ourselves are powerful. Not only do they impact us, but they also influence the way others think about themselves and process their world. My mom always hated her body, and she made that very clear while I was growing up. Little did I know, I was soaking up those same thoughts and turning them to myself. As I got older, I started to have destructive thoughts about my own body. As a college student, I struggled with an eating disorder. I saw my body as the enemy. I saw food as something that couldn’t be...

Keep Reading

I Had So Much To Do Today, But I Had Mojitos With Grandma Instead

In: Living
Woman sitting at outdoor restaurant with grandma, color photo

I had a million things to do today. Truthfully, I almost canceled. It was easy to cancel on Grandma Genny because she was so understanding. Never made you feel guilty. Always welcomed you back with open arms, no matter how many things you missed.  Grandma Genny isn’t my real grandma, not by blood anyway. She is my stepdad’s mom. In the lottery of step-grandparents, I struck gold on both sides. Grandma Genny is not my biological grandma, but she’s the most grandma-ey grandma I have—if that makes sense. She has a house that smells like gravy on the holidays. A...

Keep Reading

Don’t Call, Text (and Other Things You Need to Know about Me As Your Mom Friend)

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
3 moms holding babies on a couch

This is the kind of mom I am right now. Don’t talk to me during gymnastics class or swim class—this is my quiet time, and I am either getting a break from life or catching up on texts and emails or looking up the hours of the trampoline park for our next playdate. My Notes app is filled with grocery list upon grocery list. I have developed systems to stay sane. When grocery shopping, I get the one item I need first rather than last because too many times I forget the one thing I need and can’t make dinner....

Keep Reading

A Permission Slip for Creativity

In: Living, Motherhood
Create Anyway book in the middle of kids playing with building blocks on floor

The following is an excerpt from Create Anyway by Ashlee Gadd, available today wherever books are sold! In those first few weeks at home with a milk-drunk newborn in my arms, I Googled every little thing, hopping in and out of online parenting forums, desperate for an instruction manual. Is it normal for a baby to poop six times in one day? Does breastfeeding ever get easier? Underneath my nitty-gritty questions loomed the ultimate insecurity every first-time mom battles: Am I doing this whole motherhood thing right? Just a few months prior, I had quit my pencil-skirt-and-high-heels- wearing marketing job...

Keep Reading

Anxious Moms Need Friends Too

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Women hugging outside

When I was 32, my family and I decided to move out of state. The state I had lived in all my life, where almost all my family and friends lived. Most of my friendships were childhood friends or friends I made in college. I made very few new, adult friendships after college. Maybe I felt I didn’t really need to because there was always a friend I could call. Or maybe, I didn’t want to step outside my comfort zone, face possible rejection, and felt it was just easier not to talk to people (hint: it was definitely the...

Keep Reading

The Isolation of Motherhood

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mom sitting beside stroller, black and white image

During my early years of having children, I can recall feeling like I needed more help with juggling—taking care of my little ones and our home. Although my mother-in-law was only a 10-minute drive away, she was preoccupied looking after my nephew and nieces. Awkwardly, I would only ask if it was really necessary—like a doctor’s appointment or the dentist. Even at church, it was difficult to ask for help—either we didn’t know certain members well enough to entrust our kids to their care or they were friends with children too and that hardly seemed fair to burden them. The...

Keep Reading

The Abuse Was Never Your Fault

In: Living
Silhouette of curly hair woman in sunset

Trigger warning: this post addresses abuse. “You were a rebellious teenager, it was your fault.” Those words have been said to me more than they ever should have been. As a teen, I was groomed into relationships with men 10 years older than me. Men groomed me, and because I thought it was love and I “consented” to it, the adults around me didn’t protect me and blamed it on my being a rebellious teenager. To this day some people in my life continue to tell themselves and others that it was my fault to avoid the guilt of knowing...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Love Means Slowing Down

In: Friendship, Kids
Two boys on bicycles riding to park, shown from behind

Think of something faster than a 7-year-old boy on a two-wheel bike. Maybe a race car at the drop of the checkered flag? Perhaps a rocket ship blasting into space? Or how quickly a toddler mom books it out of the house after being told she can have a hands-free hour ALONE in Target. Yes, all of these things are seriously speedy, but I have still never seen anything quite as quick as a boy on a bike on a sunny day with endless open track ahead of him. Until today. Today, my 6-year-old son wanted to ride bikes with...

Keep Reading

To the Mom Going through a Divorce

In: Living, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman holding young girl outside, blurred background

To the mom going through a divorce: you can do this. I’ve been where you are, staring at a mountain of changes and challenges that felt insurmountable. The crushing ache of divorce, of family disruption, of building a new life, and helping my son through it all seemed endless and impossible. But eventually, I made it through to the other side, and I want you to know: the pain won’t last forever.  The first year following a divorce is an overwhelming puzzle of putting your life back together. And when there are kids involved, there is so much more to...

Keep Reading

I Wish My Family Could See More than My Faults

In: Living
Mom standing with child on dirt road

I am and always will be a self-described mini-train wreck. I’m disorganized, have trouble keeping my house clean, and my kids aren’t perfect angels. In my home, we have fights, slammed doors, foul language, and dirty dishes in the sink.  I sometimes go in the bathroom and cry so hard my mascara streaks down my cheeks—that is, when I wear mascara. Usually sans makeup and hair tied with an old scrunchy is the look I often rock.  I’m notoriously terrible about making appointments for myself, I’m constantly tired, and my nails could stand a good manicure.  I’m overweight, and I...

Keep Reading