I hadn’t been to the dentist in years. I think it had been around six years? I’m not exactly sure. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and scared to go.

I could feel the pain in my mouth. I’d been getting headaches and feeling nauseous. It hurt to eat. It hurt to drink water. It even hurt when air touched my teeth. 

My son had been to the dentist. My husband finally went a couple of months ago.
I was supposed to go earlier this year, but I had canceled. I canceled because I was embarrassed, and I didn’t want to burden my family.

I hadn’t told anyone about this pain, and I felt like I didn’t have time for that pain. It sounds ridiculous to me when I say all of that out loud. 

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Anxiety always reminds me of how much there is to do while depression makes it feel impossible to even brush my teeth at times.

There have been periods of time when I haven’t brushed my teeth. There were times I didn’t have the energy to, and I know how that sounds. I knew a dentist would be able to see that.

I was embarrassed, but I knew I needed to go. I wasn’t able to hide the pain anymore. 

A phone call was made, and I was honest with them. They knew I was on antidepressants and anxiety medication by the paperwork I filled out.

X-rays were done, and the staff was kind.

A root canal needs to be done on a tooth. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done on my teeth. They’re not sure if they can save the tooth. We’re hoping they can. It’s going to be more expensive if they can’t. 

I was honest with them, and they were kind to me. 

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I hadn’t been taking care of myself. Sometimes, I gave into the lie that I wasn’t worth it and I shouldn’t waste my time.

A burden is what I felt. I’m trying to really fight against that. I need to take better care of myself.

I’m scheduled to go back in, and plans were made.

They numbed my mouth and gave me a shot at the end of my visit to bring some relief while I waited for the pain medication. For a few hours, that pain went away, and I realized I didn’t have to just put up with it. That pain didn’t have to be there.

I was embarrassed to go to the dentist, but I’m so glad I finally went.

Originally published on the author’s Instagram page