I can’t believe we’re having this talk. I thought I had more time (like years) before it was necessary. But your world pushes you to grow up a little faster than my world pushed me. You’re already seeing messages about sex. It’s everywhere. Movies, music, TV shows, even commercials. You already know more now than I did even a few years past this age.

My sweet girl, I don’t want to interrupt your innocence, but I want you to learn about sex from your mom. I want you to hear a message of beauty and love. Yes, it will be weird, uncomfortable, and awkward, but daughter, this conversation is one of the most important we will ever have. I refuse to push it aside, to ignore it, to wait until I feel ready to talk about it. You deserve better. Because I love you, I want you to learn about the most intimate kind of love from me. Here’s what I want you to know.

Sex is not dirty or wrong. 

I fear that in telling you to wait until marriage, you will unintentionally hear the message that sex is wrong, dirty, or shameful. It’s quite the opposite, actually. God created sex. He designed us for it. “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). He created the female body with the male body in mind. We were literally made for each other, to fit together in a perfect, beautiful, and special way. Sex was part of God’s plan from the very beginning. And when He looked at all of His creation, the earth, the oceans, the sky, night and day, plants and animals; when He looked at the perfect design of man and woman, He was pleased. “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (Genesis 1:31b).

My daughter, our Lord designed our bodies for sex, and nothing that God creates is dirty, or wrong, or ugly. God’s creation, including sex, is pure, lovely, and beautiful. It is personal and special. Sex as God designed it should be celebrated and respected, not shamed.

Sex is not casual. 

Our society screams that sex is no big deal. It’s a normal part of any and all relationships. Society tells you that sex doesn’t have to mean commitment. Instead, it’s simply a way to satisfy physical desires and can be done whenever the urge arises and with whomever. But that is not what God had in mind. The truth is, once you’ve given yourself to a man, you can never take it back. The memory will always remain, and he will always be a part of your story.

Sweet girl, I want those moments to be beautiful, treasured memories. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Yes, God designed our female bodies to fit perfectly with our male counterparts. But your heart? It was designed for one man. I pray even now that God will lead you to the man who cherishes your heart as much as he desires your body.

Sex is not just physical.

Right now, your view of sex comes only from little glimpses of what you’ve seen on the screen. You see passion, romance, physical desire, and urgency. But cameras can only record the physical. They cannot capture the emotional and spiritual connection felt in intimate moments between a husband and a wife who were created for each other.

My girl who will become a woman, someday you will understand the pleasures of sex with the man you love. But I want you to know it is not simply about satisfying physical desires; it is the ultimate giving of yourself to another. The act of physically surrendering your body to each other is only part of the connection. Sex requires trust, revealing yourself physically and emotionally, despite insecurities. It requires a love that reaches far beyond physical attraction. It requires respect and understanding of each other’s physical and emotional needs. It requires communication and honesty. The physical surrender on the surface represents a deeper, more intimate surrender of your hearts.

And so, my sweet daughter, my prayer for you is simple. I pray you find the man who God created specifically for you. I pray he understands your value and, together, you will discover the beautiful, intimate kind of sex God designed you for. And until you unite as husband and wife, you will wait in sweet anticipation of the moment when two become one.

You may also like:

What I Want My Teen Daughters To Know About Sex That My Mom Didn’t Tell Me

Dear Daughter, I Don’t Want You to Hide Your Body Because it’s Bad—I Want You to Respect Your Body Because it’s Good

Kelsey Scism

Kelsey is a former language arts teacher, mother of five, principal’s wife, and most importantly a Christian loving our Lord. As a teacher, she loved inspiring and encouraging her students. Today, she finds inspiration in the everyday moments as a stay-at-home mom and hopes to encourage others along the way. You can check out more from her at https://lovingourlord.com or follow her on Facebook and Instagram @lovingourlordtogether.