I don’t know what I’m doing. He just won’t sleep. I don’t know how to get him to stop crying. When will these behaviors stop? What if something is wrong with him? I feel like I’m failing as a mom. When will things get easier?
All of these words and then some were spoken to my mom at one point or another throughout my own journey as a mom thus far. My mom, a grandma to now four grandchildren (my twin nieces and my two young boys), has always responded with exactly the thing I needed to hear or sometimes with nothing but silence—a comforting, supportive silence that often ended with a hug if we were together in person.
My mom has been a grandma for nearly 10 years now, and I’ve come to realize that the moments I remember best about her are the ones during the hard stuff—the times when the stress felt insurmountable, life was chaotic and uncertain, and anxious thoughts filled my mind and the minds of those around me.
I remember a grandma who showed up to every doctor’s appointment with my sister as she worked through all the new and unexpected challenges that came from expecting not one but two babies.
I remember a grandma being available and on-call when a sick granddaughter arrived at her doorstep unable to go to school with a mom needing to go to work. She greeted the small child with tissues, ginger ale, and a fuzzy blanket as she walked through the door.
I remember a grandma finding a way to be there for her newborn grandson and his parents during the pandemic when nothing felt normal and her first encounter holding her grandson included a mask and rubber gloves. The family arrived home to homemade meals and a huge welcome sign next to freshly planted flowers on the front porch.
I remember a grandma putting her own needs aside to provide full-time childcare to her first three grandchildren. She allowed their mothers to work full-time and not rely on typical childcare at such a young age. She gave her grandchildren days of hugs, kisses, snacks, and playtime needed to help them learn and grow.
I remember a grandma who answered the phone every time it rang to discuss all of the well-child visits with the pediatrician as her grandson’s mother worried and spent time over-thinking the slow weight gain of her infant at that time.
I remember a grandma who intentionally made her older grandson feel special and loved as he navigated what felt like an incredibly challenging time of losing his role as the only child in the family and gaining a baby brother.
I remember a grandma who always picked up the phone call or FaceTime from any of her grandchildren as they called to discuss whatever had occurred in their lives on that particular day.
I remember a grandma who didn’t stop loving and giving to her grandchildren even when the times were hard and relationships were challenging. She provided unconditional and steadfast love and support to her grandchildren no matter what else was going on in the lives of other family members. She never let conflict or stress in the family get in the way of being the best grandma to her grandchildren.
I remember the grandma who “grandma-ed” through the hard stuff.
Sure, I remember the happy memories—the celebrations of birthdays at all ages, the picnics and pool parties, the holidays, the basketball games, the special events at school, the afternoons of watching a movie and cuddling on the couch, the mini golf games and the ice cream dates.
But more than anything? I remember the woman who chose to keep on “grandma-ing” even when it was hard. Even when it was hard for those around her to keep going, even when life was hard for her grandchildren, even when it was hard for her due to the stress that was going on within her own life.
My mom has never stopped showing up for her grandchildren and the rest of her family even in the really hard times, and I know this is something that will never change. I’m thankful that my two young boys have a grandma who isn’t afraid to keep going and be there for them in the hard times.
Although she turns 68 this year and grows another year older, I have no doubt my mom won’t stop “grandma-ing” through the hard stuff. And one day, when I’m a grandma? I hope I too can do this for my grandchildren and my family. And I certainly hope my children realize how lucky they are to be so loved by such a wonderful grandma.
by Whitney Fleming 
by Kelli Bachara 
