My husband knows me well.
After 11 years of marriage, he knows what I am going to say before I speak it.
He knows my pet peeves, my favorite foods, my favorite vacation spots, and every other favorite in between.
But you see, he doesn’t understand the largest part of my heart . . . my faith.
I wasn’t a Christian when I got married, it wasn’t until four years ago that I accepted Christ. I don’t blame my husband for not understanding, I basically have become a new person. I am not the same person he married. Jesus has become my whole world and my absolute everything.
He has been very supportive and for that, I am thankful. But the amount of tears I have cried is unmeasurable. I so badly want him to fully understand the love I have for Christ—I want him to experience it for himself.
Oh, how I want him to be set free and to see that Jesus is the true meaning of life.
So many times I have felt like I am failing in showing him who Jesus is. I still struggle so much in who I was and who I am becoming that I wonder if he doesn’t think God is doing much in my life. I so often wonder if am I doing a good job in showing him what a Christian looks like.
But there are also so many times I think he does see God moving in my life. He sees that I never miss church, he sees that I sneak away often to pray, he sees that my women’s Bible study is the favorite part of my week. He sees that I am teaching my children to pray. He comes to me and asks for prayers for friends. He sees me worshipping and reading God’s word. He hears me talking about Jesus any chance I get. He sees that Jesus has become the center of my life and the forefront of my mind.
You see, I think he is seeing a lot of changes that God has brought into my life. He isn’t seeing a perfect person. but he sees I’m a new person emerging.
There are so many times I have wanted to take the Bible and beat it over his head to get the truth in there—I know, not very effective—but now I am surrendering and being patient with God’s timing. I have to look back and realize it took me over 30 years to come to a place of accepting Christ.
I cannot rush his process. I cannot change his journey.
I am surrendering to the fact that it is not under my control. I cannot save anyone, not even my husband. I will continue to do my best to love him and share Christ’s love and truths with him, I will pray and fast for his salvation, and then I will stand back and watch the Holy Spirit move and change his heart.
There have been so many times I have doubted if he will ever know Christ, and so often God reminds me of how lost I once was and now I am found. There is no heart that God cannot change, and I am trusting that one day soon my husband will become a new creation in Christ and have an eternity with me and our beautiful Savior.