“The kids are spending the night at Grandma’s, and I’m eyeballs deep in Fritos while catching up on all my trash TV shows.”

“I had to rush my son to urgent care, but thankfully my mom was able to stay with the three other kiddos while I took care of him.” 

“I feel so lost when it comes to homeschooling; thankfully, my mom did it too, so she’s been an amazing guide to have.”

To most people, these sentences might seem like wonderful, blessed bits of praise from a daughter about her mother, but to me, they’re like daggers straight to my heart. 

It’s not that I’m jealous (okay, maybe I am a little bit jealous if I’m being honest). I’m truly thankful for my friends and all the women out there who have their mothers to lean on through the difficult journey of raising children.

I believe every woman deserves to have an unshakable rock in her corner to support her through all the trials motherhood throws her way.

Most of the time, that’s her own mom. But the thing is, I can’t say the same for myself. 

RELATED: Only a Motherless Daughter Knows

Seven and a half years ago, my life was dividedforever marked with a before and after timestamp. The first 26 years of my life had been spent taking my relationship with my mom for granted. I loved her and cherished her but just assumed she would always be there for me. Then in 2015, the after part of my life began when she was murdered in a completely and utterly unimaginable domestic violence incident. 

That day began the part of my life when I no longer had a mother.

I was also nearly seven months pregnant with my first child. At a time in life when most women are finding themselves drawn even closer to their mothers than ever before through a shared experience, suddenly I found every thread of connection with my mom severed for the rest of my life. I had no guidebook, no maternal advice to turn to.

I suddenly found myself in the position of trying to navigate pregnancy and first-time motherhood while also grieving the inexplicable loss of my own mom. Thinking back on that time now, I can’t help but shed tears, not only for my mom but for myself. I was so incredibly lost, scared, and alonedespite the best efforts of the women closest to me. Yes, you can turn to family, to church, to friends, but there’s no substitute for the woman who gave birth to you and loves you more than any other earthly being. 

These days, I find myself forging my own path through motherhood while trying to raise my four young children the best I can alongside my husband.

I may be motherless, but thankfully, the love and wisdom my mom faithfully poured into me growing up serves as something of a blueprint for me.

She might not physically be here to answer my questions or babysit my kids, but her love and knowledge are still within me, and I draw upon that when I question where to turn next. Her dedication to her family and God laid the foundation for me, and now I can build upon that within my own family, for my own children. 

RELATED: I Am a Daughter With a Mother in Heaven

I’m so thankful to have had a mother who was intentional in every decision she made, who modeled what motherhood should look like (even if I didn’t always like it growing up), and who took the time to ensure that she raised me in such a way that I would be able to continue on . . . even in her absence.

Her life may have been cut short, but her legacy lives onand for that, I am forever grateful. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Lyndsay Zadnik

Lyndsay is a homeschooling mom to four young children and a frequent recipient of the quip: “Wow, you’ve sure got your hands full!" She moved from California to Oklahoma in late 2021 and spends most of her free time exploring every nook and cranny of her new state with her husband and kids. You can often find her curled up under a heated blanket with a book, or being active outside with her family. 

Even Though My Mom is Gone, I’m Not a Motherless Daughter

In: Grief, Grown Children
Photo album of woman and child

Motherless daughter. I’d heard those words but never gave much thought to all they carried until I lost my mom. My view of motherhood was shaped through the blessing of growing up as my mother’s daughter. It has been just as powerfully impacted by having to journey through most of motherhood without her. When I found out, just two years after we’d moved back to our hometown to treasure the gift of raising our children near our parents and families, that my mom had lung cancer, I held on to fierce and faithful hope. I never imagined a life without...

Keep Reading

The Day She Dies

In: Grief, Grown Children, Loss
Young woman on couch grieving her mother the day she dies

The day she dies a piece of you will die, too. You’ll learn this is a piece you cannot fill. It is a piece that cannot be replaced by anything, ever. The day she dies you’ll stop breathing for a moment, too. You’ll wonder how the world around you continues to go on. The day she dies you’ll start a new life.  Your new life will be motherless. It will be different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way. The day she dies you will look around and question everything. You’ll question your faith, your last words, and every moment...

Keep Reading

A Mother’s Love Never Dies, Even When She Does

In: Grief, Living
grieving woman in sunshine www.herviewfromhome.com

The day your mom dies, when you become motherless, you will start wondering and questioning things you never imagined you would. Things you couldn’t even think about before she died and probably never would have until after you lost her. You’ll wonder where she is a million times a day from the very second she leaves and all the minutes after she’s gone. You’ll wonder if she’s somewhere nearby or really far away because sometimes you can feel it both ways. One minute, you have to catch your breath because you feel her so near it’s as if you could...

Keep Reading