Twenty-five years ago, I was a 4th grade book nerd who said goodbye to a dad dying early and to the world where everything felt certain.

Goodbye to the dad who wanted to teach me basketball and chess.

Goodbye to chocolate cake in the freezer and pizza on Friday nights.

Goodbye to waking up early on Saturday morning to run to the bank, of all places.

Goodbye to a dream of walking down the wedding aisle with my dad to give me away.

Goodbye to a world where Dad held Mom and me safe . . . and hello to another.

Hello to watching mom strive to make ends meet and thinking her a superhero in the making it.

Hello to watching mom’s hair turn white from grief and thinking her beautiful when she showed up tired to chorus concerts.

RELATED: My Dad’s Death Still Haunts Me

Hello to trying hard even when that tired trying meant finishing last in sports like running and swimming.

Hello to fighting mental illness and gripping onto God until its grip became less.

Hello to getting married and having kids even in that vulnerable space of terror that the past would repeat.  

Twenty-five years ago, I watched my father slip off this earth, and I didn’t know how much my world would change. In March, the rest of the world and I said goodbye to one world and hello to another.

Goodbye to restaurants and parks and hello to eating in and searching for toilet paper.

Goodbye to carefree trips to visit the grandparents and hello to masks, scary news headlines, and the surge of unemployment.

Goodbye to the constant rush of keeping up with the frenetic pace of life and hello to staying in, slowing down, and resting. 

Goodbye to a world that never said thank you to the workers we never knew were valuable and hello to one that called them essential.

RELATED: I Am An Essential Worker’s Wife

Goodbye to a world that quietly avoided matters like injustice and hello to one that made us realize how much we long for things to be made right. 

Twenty-five years ago, I said goodbye to my dad and hello to a mom and daughter bond that hell itself can’t break. Several months ago, we said goodbye to one world and hello to another. 

Twenty-five years ago, I wanted so desperately to go back to the world from before—the world when my dad was alive and I never saw my mom cry. Several months ago, we entered from one world that felt safe to one that is now called uncertain.

I wouldn’t go back to that world though.

Several months ago as we all said goodbye to the world where everything seemed familiar, I was saying hello to a daughter who would make me the tired mom of three little ones under four.

RELATED: Dear 2020 Baby—Thank You For Being a Light In the Darkness

Some day, by God’s grace, we will say goodbye to one world where death holds sway and hello to a world where tears are wiped away forever.  

In that world, there will only be hello

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Melissa Elizondo

Mel Elizondo is an avid photography enthusiast, cook, and nature lover. She's also a mom of three kids, three and under. When she's not busy scraping food off the floor, she's either looking up a new recipe she'd like to cook or editing her novel. You can find her adventures over at https://theothersideoftherabbithole.wordpress.com/  

Mom May Never See Our Home, but Her Love Lives Here

In: Grief, Loss
Cute and quaint house, color photo

To the average person, it was a typical Wisconsin Friday in October—wet, dreary, and a bit nippy. To my wife and me, it was a day of both elation and sadness. We put in an offer on a house we both loved. My wife spotted it a few days beforehand; we toured it alongside a couple of other options, and just knew it was the one. And we did it without our mothers. Her mother died seven and a half years before. At the end of October was the three-year anniversary of my mother’s death. There’s something to be said...

Keep Reading

This is How to Support Miscarriage Moms

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Woman with arm around another woman sitting in field

When you hear the term miscarriage, what do you think? My initial thought was the loss of an unborn child, but have you ever really wondered what truly happens when you are having a miscarriage? Our first miscarriage occurred immediately after our wedding in 2019, we had a chemical pregnancy after conceiving while on our honeymoon. This means we had a positive pregnancy test, but by the time we got to our OB/GYN, I had the heaviest period of my life, resulting in a negative serum pregnancy test. That was hard enough to go through but was nothing compared to...

Keep Reading

To the Family with a Loved One in Jail

In: Grief, Living
Woman with head in hands

At first, I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to face people anywhere, not at the grocery store, not at work, not even at church. I was ashamed, hurt, and humiliated. It was after that day not so long ago when one of my sisters called me, sobbing so hard I could barely understand the awful message she was telling me. He’s been arrested, she was saying. We need to go tell Mom. Oh, God, no. Please, please, no. How can this even be real? But it was real. RELATED: Tragedy Changes You, But it Doesn’t Have To Ruin You...

Keep Reading

My Daddy Is In the Arms of Jesus

In: Grief, Loss
Grown daughter walking with older father

My daddy went home to the arms of Jesus just a few short days before Christmas. My family was given the greatest gift of time with him individually to speak the words they needed him to hear and to listen to the words he wanted to say. It was a gift we are beyond grateful for because we know not everyone has that time with their loved ones before they go, especially now. So, yes, I am grateful, but I miss him. I awoke this morning with a dance happening in my heart. The dance of grief and joy. I...

Keep Reading

Even Though You Left Too Soon, You Gave Me Hope

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Early sonogram image

This was the fifth time I’d seen those two pink lines letting me know that a baby was on the way, but I only had one child to show for it, so I’d learned to damper my happiness and excitement. Each miscarriage brought its own unique flavor—one was marked by anxiety, another anger, deep sadness, and then apathy. I’d learned not to get too close to a pregnancy, but this time I leaned into it in a way I hadn’t before. There was a tender and growing elation, and I felt immediate love and gratitude. Sure, there was no telling...

Keep Reading

We Picked up Our Daughter’s Ashes Yesterday

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Mother holding decorative urn in baby's room, color photo

We picked up her ashes yesterday . . . our daughter’s ashes. Though the funeral home was only about an hour away, the trip felt like an eternity. I stared blankly out the window for most of the drive, somewhat calmed by the cocktail of medications I had been placed on and was brought back to reality only by the occasional pain searing through my abdomen. When we arrived, the parking lot was completely empty. Snow lined the edges of the lot, and the sun shone all too brightly. We had assumed the funeral director would be there to greet...

Keep Reading

The Hardest Prayer I Ever Prayed

In: Cancer, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Bald-headed little girl in hospital bed with her mama, color photo

Trigger warning: Child loss I had a plan for summertime fun with my children. We had just returned from a week-long road trip to the Grand Canyon. I intentionally planned to fill the rest of the summer with activities that would chase away boredom. Craft supplies had been purchased, day trips had been planned, and we were just beginning a week of Vacation Bible School. Excitement was in the air! Yet a tiny nagging fear kept resurfacing: Was there something wrong with my 2-year-old? Ever since she turned two back in the fall, she had become fussy. Our healthy, happy...

Keep Reading

My Mom Passed away and I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore

In: Grief, Loss
Mother and daughter on a carousel ride, older color photo

For the last sixteen months of her life, I was one of my mother’s primary caregivers, and now that she’s gone, I feel lost. My beautiful, strong, hilarious, and fun-loving mom not only survived but thrived after a heart attack and open-heart surgery at age 67. So 10 years later, we were all surprised to learn that the aortic aneurysm with which she had lived for over a decade had expanded to dangerous territory. We were told she would soon die without another risky open-heart surgery. The one thing my mother feared more than going into surgery was death. Her...

Keep Reading

Dear Dad, I Pray for Our Healing

In: Faith, Grief, Grown Children
Back shot of woman on bench alone

You are on my mind today. But that’s not unusual. It’s crazy how after 13 years, it doesn’t feel that long since I last saw you. It’s also crazy that I spend far less time thinking about that final day and how awful it was and spend the majority of the time replaying the good memories from all the years before it. But even in the comfort of remembering, I know I made the right decision. Even now, 13 years later, the mix of happy times with the most confusing and painful moments leaves me grasping for answers I have...

Keep Reading

It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye

In: Grief, Living, Loss
Small dog with head hanging out car window, color photo

Our dog Carlos has slowed down considerably within the last few months. He’s always been outspoken and opinionated–a typical firstborn trait–and to hear him snoring most of the day and tolerating things he normally wouldn’t tolerate (i.e. being carried from place to place by my son, forklift-style) put me on notice that he’s in the fourth quarter. Carlos looks and acts like an Ewok from the Star Wars franchise. According to Wikipedia, Ewoks are clever, inquisitive, and inventive. Carlos checks all three boxes. As a puppy, we tried crate training, but it never took. It wasn’t for lack of trying....

Keep Reading