To my husband, as you love me through miscarriage:

I need you mightily in this season of grief.

Our love is one. This baby we are mourning is ours in perfect togetherness.

And yet still, our walks through this grief are probably going to differ. We may absorb the initial shock and tremors in sameness, buried in one another’s arms. But as we process forward, it’s likely we’ll have slightly different paths through our grief. You may move toward sunshine again with a little more swiftness. I may dwell in the dark for longer. Our stories in loving and losing this child are tightly bound and woven, but they’re also separate. We won’t walk through the grieving in exactly the same way, and that’s OK. Just as long as we walk together.

I need you mightily.

You see, from the moment this baby was just a maybe and then a yes, it has never left me, and I have never left it. I carried our child with so much love and hope. I became acutely aware and vigilant over every change of my body as it made way for this new life. No matter what I may have been doing or saying outwardly, inwardly every thought and prayer has belonged to our baby. When I’ve slept, I’ve often dreamed of our child. When I’ve awoken, it has been my very first thought. I have cradled our baby inside my body, and my soul knows it even if my arms do not. My love, we have lost this, our precious child.

I need you mightily.

RELATED: To the Bereaved Dads: Thank You For the Ways You Love Your Family

My body and my spirit together feel broken. I am lost. I am raw. I am reeling. A stifling emptiness and longing make the air hard to breathe. Heavy tears storm from me one moment, and then I sit in dark dry stillness the next. I feel numb. And I feel everything. And oh, the everything . . . what my body has gone through physically, the trauma of the loss, the voices in my head, the voices of everyone else, the unrelenting pain of this aching grief . . . I am crushed under the weight of it all. Even though I know it to be untrue, I’m battling feelings of fault, I feel less. I get lost in the middle of the Google night searches for answers. My heart is shouting and pounding Why? to God. I’m not sure how to speak all my words, how to express the hollowness. I feel alone.

Sometimes I wonder if you know how deep the hurt is cutting. I’ve been swallowed up by a heavy fog—can you still see me?

I need you mightily.

I need your patience as the grief lingers.

I need you to see my empty eyes across the room and pull me into your shoulder.

I need you to speak to me of your own heartache.

I need your grace when the grief is angry.

I need your forgiveness when I’m so lost in my hurt that I forget yours.

I need your tenderness and caretaking.

I need your strength and your arms when the grief buckles me.

I need you to know that this loss, this child, will never fully leave me.

I need you to give me time.

I need you to watch that I don’t stay too long in the alone.

RELATED: Grieving Doesn’t Make You Weak

I need you to help me to talk to friends who’ve known this loss.

I need you to shelter me on the days it catches me off guard and washes over me again.

I need you to whisper, “I know” and “I’m here.”

I need you to point me toward hope again.

I need you to validate this loss that the world may not see—tell me our baby matters, that what I’ve been through physically matters, that our story and our sorrow matters.

I need your steady love.

I need you mightily.

I know you are aching too. Please know that I see it. I am trying to answer your heartache, and it tears me apart to see your hurt. And, I know it undoes you to see mine. Please keep finding me, keep reaching for my hand through this cloud. Hold me close in togetherness, even if our journey through the grieving is different.

My sweet husband, I need you mightily.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Emily Roussell

Emily Roussell is author of the tender children's book for new babies and moms, ‘Rock You Tonight.’ It reads like a lullaby, while telling the story of a tired and distracted mom who slows to fully embrace the wonder of and love for her baby. This book was penned when her first children, twins, were just months old. Life was exhausting, upside down, and …blissful. Find it in hard copy or kindle edition on Amazon! Emily and her husband gratefully enjoy a happy circus of life with four children. You can find her at

My Dad Showed Me the Greatest Lessons Are Taught Through Example

In: Fatherhood
grandpa holding donut box with grandson

Waiting at the window, I arranged the blue ruffles on my brand new dress and flipped my hair around to look just right. It was a night to be fancy. It was my first date. My face was flushed as I looked forward to the night ahead. I knew it was a big deal to be taken out and I would get special treatment. I would pick the restaurant and maybe we would have some ice cream and walk around downtown before the sun went down. After that, I was pretty sure we could go to the store and that...

Keep Reading

It Doesn’t Matter How Old I Am—I’ll Always Need My Daddy

In: Fatherhood, Grown Children, Living
Vintage photo of little girl on bike with her dad

I have always been a Daddy’s girl, much to my mom’s frustration.  She always said my dad and I were wired the same, and that’s why it’s always just “worked.” Sure, we have had our struggles and frustrations—when two people think almost the exact same way, certainly there will be battles. But my dad has always had my back, without fail.   Whether he had to question a school decision or staff my senior class retreat (yes, my dad is featured in my high school yearbook), I knew he would be there. He thought he would lose me someday, that having...

Keep Reading

I’m Just a Little Boy, but Daddy You’re Teaching Me How to Be a Man

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Daddy on the floor playing with son, color photo

I’m only a little boy, still too young to tie my own shoes or make my own breakfast. My days are filled with playtime, snacks, lots of hugs from Mommy, and plenty of tickles from you, Daddy. Right now, my life revolves around me and you and Mommy. I don’t know much about the world outside our home yet. I haven’t learned about responsibility or self-discipline or sacrifice. I haven’t had to find my place in the world yet. But I guess I’m pretty lucky because even though you may not know it, you’ve already begun teaching me everything I...

Keep Reading

You’re the Father You Never Had and I’m So Proud of You

In: Fatherhood, Marriage
Dad and kids walking on beach

Can I tell you about my husband? He’s amazing. He’s kind and doting and loves Jesus, but perhaps his most endearing trait is the absolutely incredible father he is.  In our early days of dating, he was crippled by the fear of what type of father he would be. To him, fatherhood was burdensome, grumbling, abandonment, and fighting for the final dollar during tax season. His experience as a son crippled his anticipation as a father.  But I knew it all along—what an incredible dad he would be. Although I must admit, he has often far surpassed what I even...

Keep Reading

To the Stay At Home Mom From Your Husband: I See You

In: Fatherhood, Marriage

To the woman who sacrificed her comfort zone—leaving her family, friends, and everything she’d ever known—to follow her new husband across the country for his job: I see you. To the wife who pours herself into making a house her home, only to have to move again: I see you. To the wife who put her career, education, and personal pursuits on hold for the sake of her family: I see you. To the mom who went through pain and misery for nine months, only to have motherhood turn out to be nothing like she’d dreamed and longed for it...

Keep Reading

I Struggled With My Son’s Diagnosis, But Found Hope in the Special Needs Community

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

When I found out I was going to be a father I was beyond excited. My wife and I had been trying to conceive for years before she got pregnant. So, when she told me I was going to be a father I wanted to shout it to the rooftops! I made sure to call my wife every day at work to make sure she ate lunch. I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of her. We later found out that we were having a boy, and started to plan everything. We started to paint the baby room with blues...

Keep Reading

My Son is Growing Up, But I’ll Hold On To the Pictures Forever

In: Fatherhood

A certain part of my heart longs for these moments to never change. I look back on pictures like this one, where my oldest son tastes the salty breeze on his lips for the first time, feeling the sand underneath his toes and laughing out loud at this wholly new experience. I look back and want to freeze it, but in something more than a single picture, more solid than a flimsy memory, more lifelike in substance than what a camera can fashion. RELATED: Stay With Me a Little Longer, Daddy Because that little person who could not stand without...

Keep Reading

I Want My Sons to See How Important It is to Cover Your Wife

In: Fatherhood, Marriage

Transparent moment—I did not always do the best job of covering my wife. Early in our marriage, I was often guilty of being selfish. Our first of four childbirths had contentious moments. From the whistle I jokingly wore on our first trip to the hospital while she was in labor, to me telling her in the midst of her frustration that if we didn’t have the baby that night, she could decide if she’d go into work the next day—I’m not proud of the way I handled some of the challenges. RELATED: 5 Ways To Love Your Wife After the...

Keep Reading

Dads: Your Kids Love Doing Things Because They Get to Do Them With You

In: Fatherhood

This piece was co-written with the author’s husband, Nathan Glenn. I remember my husband taking our daughter golfing for the first time and wondering if she’d enjoy it like he did. He’d dress our kids up in Pittsburgh gear, hoping they’d love the Steelers and Pirates and Penguins as much as he does. When we imagined our someday kids, he hoped he’d have someone that would want to play catch with him and go sit on the banks for hours fishing. Now here we are over a decade into this parenting three thing, and our oldest has her own clubs...

Keep Reading

This British Dad’s Parody of Orlando Bloom’s Daily Routine Has Us Cracking Up

In: Fatherhood

Two men on the same parenting journey see things a bit differently. Read to the end for this British dad’s hilarious take on what it’s like to be a father if you’re not a famous A-list celebrity. Ever since his cinematic debut as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings film series, celebrity actor Orlando Bloom has been capturing hearts around the world. Let’s be honest, we all know why our wives were so excited when Pirates of the Caribbean hit theatres. Outside of fantasy, there’s not much that makes Mr. Bloom relatable to the average Joe. However, parenthood tends...

Keep Reading