Dear little one,
October 16, 2023, would have been your due date.
Your dad and I miss you so much. We only had you for a short time, but you brought us so much joy.
From the moment we found out I was pregnant, our world changed for the better. We were only college seniors and you were unplanned, but we grew to love you through all the challenges.
I remember giving your dad those two little pink shoes and how joyful he was to become a dad. We were both scared to be young parents, but you gave us hope for a brighter future with you in it.
I remember all the pages I wrote in a baby journal. I was wanting to give it to you when you were older so you could read about how your story started.
I remember the day your dad told your grandma about you and how she hugged me with joy.
I remember the day I played the drums at church with you inside my tummy. I was excited to talk to you about the Lord and how much He loves you. I wanted to raise you in a Christ-centered family and watch you grow in your faith. I wanted to bring you to church and worship the Lord with you.
On March 13, 2023, your dad and I went to our first ultrasound. We were thrilled to see you but unfortunately, you were already gone. I was 10 weeks pregnant, but my gestational sac measured at 7 weeks. We waited and did another ultrasound on March 31, where doctors confirmed the miscarriage.
I remember how I stopped feeling pregnant a week before the second ultrasound. I woke up without any nausea, cramps, breast tenderness, or cravings. The pregnancy symptoms went away. I already knew that I had lost you, way before the doctors confirmed it.
I remember the sadness in your dad’s eyes for both ultrasounds. But I saw his heart truly break after the second one. He was doing his best to not cry, but we both knew we had lost you.
I was excited to have you join our little wedding at our secret mountain spot in Idaho. I married your wonderful and loving dad on April 8, six days after he proposed. Little one, I kept you in my heart as I walked down the field to meet your dad. You brought us closer together as a couple.
I remember the day I physically miscarried and how traumatic of an experience it was. I was in so much pain, and the hours of bleeding and pushing I had to go through only worsened my grief. Your dad stayed with me in the bathroom as I wept, screamed and bled.
Little one, your dad loved me through it all. He sacrificed and stood by me as we embraced the pregnancy, and he continued to do so in our loss. He was a great dad to you. He is so strong, and his love and faith covered me in my grief. I know that you’re proud of him.
I kept the baby journal and read it sometimes. I also kept the pink shoes. We never got the chance to meet you, but we like to think that you were a girl. We were going to name you our little Rose.
God gave you so much purpose during your brief time on earth. In my grief, I started a storytelling ministry to honor those who chose life during unplanned pregnancies. I started Unplanned: Stories of Resilience in honor of you. I think of you before every interview and before I write a story. I talk about you with the men and women I get to interview.
I share your story, because little one, your life was so precious. You are worth remembering. Your life, though brief, is still worth celebrating.
We love you, little one.
We’ll see you someday.
P.S. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. To all the moms and dads who have lost a baby, I see you. You’re not alone. Keep remembering and loving your little ones in heaven.