My perfect baby. How I wish you were here. I imagine still being pregnant with you, moving right along and counting down the days until your due date. I imagine getting your nursery together and buying as many pink clothes and bows that I possibly could. I imagine a life that you would be a part of.
I can’t believe you aren’t here with me. I can’t believe I will never feel your kicks again. I can’t believe this happened to us.
How I wish you were here. How I wish I would still hear your heartbeat at doctor’s appointments.
How I wish you were still here.
I miss the life I used to imagine I would have with you in it. I started imagining that life from the moment you came to be. I imagined my life with you in it, alongside your brothers and sister. I imagined having you. I imagined taking care of you. I imagined life with you.
I imagined brushing your hair after you’d had a bath. I imagined you running around and writing on the walls with your sister. I imagined you being with us. I imagined you growing up.
I imagined you in my life. In our lives. In our family’s lives.
I only imagined telling you hello and never goodbye.
How I wish you were here.
My baby in heaven, I will long for you for the rest of my life.