2020 was tough, but we got through it together and found strength we didn’t know we had. For everything that challenged us and threatened to divide us, there were common threads that bound us all together, too—and we clung to those.
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I was pregnant with my first baby in 2023, and my pregnancy was “picture perfect,” or so I was told. I went to all of my appointments, and every time I was reassured that everything looked great. My weight gain was “normal,” my baby was measuring appropriately, and his heartbeat was strong. My blood pressure was always a little elevated, but no one seemed concerned. Everything was fine…until it wasn’t. Looking back, I knew deep down something wasn’t right when I gained 10 pounds between my May and June appointments. I brushed it off, blaming a recent trip to Texas...
Ever since Ashley Tisdale wrote about leaving her toxic mom group, I have noticed something shift among women my age, moms in our 40s who built friendships through school drop-offs, soccer sidelines, neighborhood walks, and birthday parties. Here is the thing….no one wants to be labeled the “mean girls mom group.” Recently, I was out to dinner with a friend when she shared something that stuck with me. A woman had quietly left their local moms’ group and later treated them as if they were exclusionary. The final straw? She had sent a group text at dinnertime and no one...
During my oldest daughter’s freshman year of college, I started being haunted by a recurring dream of an old-fashioned suitcase—one of those hard-sided ones that’s as big as they come. In the dream, when I open the suitcase, it’s overflowing with clothing, shoes, and all kinds of stuff that belongs to me and each of my three daughters. Everything in the suitcase is all jumbled together. Nobody else in the dream is worried about sorting through everything, but I am totally stressed about it. To top it all off, I have to deal with this suitcase while preparing for a...
Insecurity is something we all carry in one form or another. For me, it has probably always looked confident and outgoing from the outside. But internally, it can feel heavy, complicated, and exhausting at times. And when someone comes along whose behavior reinforces those insecurities, it amplifies what was already there. There was someone I had hoped to genuinely connect with, but it was clear from the start that the feeling wasn’t mutual. From the beginning, their wall was up. No matter how kind I tried to be or how carefully I showed up, it never came down. Their distance...
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of what it might be like to gain an entire family when I got married. My parents were lovely. I never wanted for anything, and I had very involved grandparents. However, any other family was far away, and much of my childhood was lonely. I dreamed of brothers-in-law or sisters-in-law and their spouses to do life with. Maybe we would go on road trips together or stay in and play games and have a few drinks. I dreamed of raising our kids together and giving my children the cousin memories I only...
It was just a normal Monday afternoon, sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. I had one kid reading her Kindle quietly, one loudly proclaiming facts about the different fish in the large tank, and one arguing with her just because he could. I had completed all the forms online before our appointment, so we were simply waiting. Then you walked in. You, who used to be the sister of my heart. Summers of sleeping in tents in my parents’ backyard, while you told me terrifying stories. The smell of hairspray from ’90s dance recitals while we twirled...
It is enough. I have had it. I had thought this year would be better. I tried to will it. I tried to convince myself with my resolutions during that first week in January. I typed my goals up in a neat little list. I was specific. Looked at it each morning. My goals focused primarily on being a good person. On prioritizing spending time with the people I love and the people I am responsible for. My goals focused on seeking the good while I feel there is a foot in a heavy boot on the center of my...
My grandmother was astounded when I told her I had met so many of her neighbors after we had only lived in her house for a couple of weeks. Grandma had decided to move into a senior citizens’ apartment building, and the timing was wonderful. John and I had been renting a townhouse, but once our baby, Christopher, was born, the situation wasn’t ideal any longer. Christopher was very fond of being awake and vociferous during the night, and the paper-thin walls of the duplex were horrible. When Grandma broached the idea of us renting her small two-bedroom home as...
“Ahhh!” My underwater scream garbled in my snorkel tube as the manta ray’s cavernous mouth swept a hand’s distance from my face. My fingers tightened around the surfboard until my knuckles ached. My arms trembled. I jerked my head side to side, searching for my daughters, Mia and Megan. Recent college graduates, they had joined me on one last mother-daughter vacation before launching their adult lives. They floated easily on the vibrant Hawaiian water, relaxed, trusting. I wanted to borrow their calm. Earlier, our guide had explained that the LED lights built into the surfboard attracted plankton the way college...
When did we change, Mama? Was it a moment? Or a gradual shift? When did I stop coming to you with my burdens and fears, and make room for you to come to me with yours? When did I sense you needed more comfort and guidance than I did? That it was time to present only my best side? My confident, reassuring, everything is fine side? So you wouldn’t have to worry needlessly, obsessively, like always before. Was it when I first began to notice you struggling to ease out of your favorite chair? Or the times you started forgetting...