I Didn't Just Lose My Mom the Day She Died

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

I didn’t just lose her the day she died, I’ve lost her many times over the years.

I lost her in aisle five at the grocery store all over again when I looked down and saw the smoothie packet I would buy for her when she was too sick to keep anything else down.

I lost her the day I gave birth to my first son and the room was filled with so many people but she was missing; it wasn’t completely full because she wasn’t there—and again with my second and third sons.

I lost her the day I picked up the phone to call and tell her some exciting news and I realized I could call but she would never answer

I lost her the day I sat on my back porch and the seat next to me was empty, the seat she would sit in and help me solve all of my problems.

I lost her the day my first son graduated kindergarten and I didn’t need to save her a seat because she wouldn’t be there.

I lost her every birthday and holiday that I couldn’t put her on the invitation list or send a card to.

I lost her the day I had to tell her goodbye for the final time.

I lost her the day we had our final phone conversation, text message, hug, and I love you.

I’ve lost her many times over the years and not just on the day she died.

But I’ve also found her, too.

I found her in aisle five at the grocery store when I saw the smoothie packet and remembered that she was sick and still she fought.

I found her the day my first son was born and the room was filled with everyone except her but I looked down at my son’s sweet face and knew they had already met before he came down from Heaven and she had already made it up there.

I found her the day I picked up the phone to call her and knew that even though she wouldn’t answer, if it was up to her, she would.

I found her on the back porch that day in the empty seat because everything she taught, all the things she said we’re forever a part of me so I knew what she would say if she was sitting there.

I found her at my son’s kindergarten graduation, she was watching from the best seat of all—the one from up above—so any seat I saved her couldn’t have compared anyway.

I found her somewhere in every holiday, birthday party, and important event.

I found her in those final texts and old cards, reading them over and over.

I’ve found her all those places because no matter how many times I’ve lost her over the years, a part of her has always been with me so she will always be wherever I am.

This post originally appeared on Grief To Hope with Nikki Pennington

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Nikki Pennington

Nikki is a stay at home mom to three, high spirited boys. Three years ago she became a motherless daughter after losing her own mom to terminal brain cancer. When she is not playing the role of referee for the boys, she spends her days trying to encourage and inspire others that are on the grief journey. Read more from Nikki on her blog: http://www.grieftohope.blogspot.com/

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I Didn’t Just Lose My Mom the Day She Died

I lost her the day I picked up the phone to call and tell her some exciting news and I realized I could call but she would never answer

I’ve lost her many times over the years and not just on the day she died.

But I’ve also found her, too.

I found her somewhere in every holiday, birthday party, and important event.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Nikki Pennington

Farewell My Father: Walking the Trail of Beauty in Old Age

Sometimes Healing Doesn’t Look Like Moving On

Now that You’re Gone, I Sit In This Waiting Room Alone

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

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I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

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So God Made a Mother

I Didn’t Just Lose My Mom the Day She Died

I lost her the day I picked up the phone to call and tell her some exciting news and I realized I could call but she would never answer

I’ve lost her many times over the years and not just on the day she died.

But I’ve also found her, too.

I found her somewhere in every holiday, birthday party, and important event.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Farewell My Father: Walking the Trail of Beauty in Old Age

Sometimes Healing Doesn’t Look Like Moving On

Now that You’re Gone, I Sit In This Waiting Room Alone

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

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