Once. That’s how many times my husband and I have had sex in the past four months.
Between work schedules and shuffling our young children to school and extra-curricular activities, I am tired and touched out by the end of the day.
But I’ve discovered it’s not just the role of motherhood taking a toll on my sex drive. I actually have a medical diagnosis of low libido.
For a married woman in my mid-30s, it’s taken work for me to admit I’m not interested in having sex, and to say it without feeling embarrassed or ashamed.
In a culture where marriage and relationships live with the pressure of feeling pleasure between the sheets, it’s hard for me to step out and confess I have little desire to have sex with my husband.
It’s not because I don’t love him. I do. It’s not because I’m not attracted to him. I am.
I feel fortunate that he understands my lack of interest in having sex has nothing to do with him or us as a couple, but everything to do with my hormones and my brain and how they’re working together. I also feel fortunate he doesn’t make me feel guilty about our clashing of desires in the bedroom.
He knows and I know that God made me perfectly in His image, low sex drive and all.
You see, when God made the mama with no sex drive, He also made therapists and counselors who are trained to help her process through the stigma and shame of having a low libido.
When He made the mama with no sex drive, He also made trusted doctors, OB-GYNs, nurse practitioners and lab technicians who are knowledgeable and compassionate and can help her figure out hormonal imbalances, diet discrepancies, or underlying medical issues that could be the culprit.
He made pharmacists who are judgment-free when she picks up a prescription or has a question about a supplement or herbal remedy she’s trying in an attempt to boost her sex drive.
When God made the mama with no sex drive, He made sure she had at least one girlfriend she could confide in who could say, “Me, too.”
He also made sure she had a spouse who extended heaps of grace and patience, even when he couldn’t understand why his wife’s sex drive took a nosedive.
When God made the mama with no sex drive, He gave her an extra dose of humility and bravery to reach out and humbly ask for help.
And perhaps most importantly, when God made the mama with no sex drive, He made her in His image exactly as she is. He didn’t forget about her or her marriage. He made sure her heart was filled with extra hope—hope that knew she was still worthy of love and marriage and all things good. And hope that she would eventually figure out a way to get her groove back in the bedroom.
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