So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I think it’s their favorite time of day. I know it’s yours. Our oldest runs to the door, squealing, “Daddy’s home!” bouncing on her tiny toes and waving to you wildly. Our littlest toddles over on her new, walking legs, excited because everyone’s excited, babbling incoherently while you patiently wait for the day she can say “Dada”.

I watch you get down on your knees and ask for your “biggest hug”. I watch them throw themselves into your arms, stumbling over each other to get to you first. I watch them, and you, light up if for no other reason than the sweet privilege of being together again. I watch that big mess of love at the front door and feel so much joy.

Without fail in all of the chaos, they both always turn and look at me at least once. “Momma, look! Daddy’s home!” It’s as if they want to make sure I’m a part of the happy, that I’m excited, too. I’m always smiling of course. Always. It’s impossible not to.

RELATED: Here’s To the Husbands Who Show Up

Can I be honest with you though?

I feel a little bit selfish saying so and a little bit scared, too. I’m so good at ignoring what I need. Mamas are supposed to be so tough, so selfless, so sacrificial. We’re not supposed to complain or ask for more. We’re supposed to be grateful, so grateful, because look at what we’ve been given.

I am all of these things, most of the time. I’m a rule follower and a good mama, and I want to do it right. But right now? What I’m about to say follows none of the rules.

You know what husband? I could use a little more love, too.

Sometimes I watch you grab our girls and wish I could be a part of the hug. Sometimes I wish you’d look at me the way you look at them. Sometimes I wish and I wish, and there’s so much good around that I confuse myself, not so sure there is even anything left to wish for.

I think if I told you this you’d tell me to just come on over. To stop wishing and wishing and just join in. And I know I could do it. I know you’d never turn me away. Neither would they. I could run to the door and squeal and dance, and you’d all laugh, likely wondering what got into me.

But that’s just the thing. I don’t want to be the one to do it. I think that’s the wish.

Not me. You.

I just want you to be the one to do it. 

Because, today, tonight, I’m just a little bit tired. The littlest got up twice last night just because she needed a snuggle. And the oldest refused to nap after school, so I didn’t get to take that shower I desperately needed. And when I sat down to take my conference call, the internet shut down, so my proposal is still late, and I’m not sure when I’ll have the time. And when we loaded up and went to the grocery store, at the checkout counter I realized I left my credit card in the other diaper bag, so there’s no milk and no coffee and no eggs for the morning.

We had a normal day. It was a long day, a hard day, but a good day. And then here you are, home at last, and I’m just feeling so joyfully tired while I watch it all.

RELATED: Dear Husband, Sometimes I’m Drowning and I Can’t Ask For Your Help, But I Need It

So today, I was wondering if you could just be the one to come to me? I was wondering if you could give the girls their hugs and then turn and give me my “biggest hug” too?

I don’t want to have to wish. I don’t want to have to ask. I don’t want to have to make the first move. I don’t want to steal from the girls.

I just want to be a part of the joy because you want me to be.

In all of this, if you hear anything husband, please hear this. I love the way you love them. I love the way they love you. I don’t want a single part of your relationship with them to change.

And I love the way you love me. I always have.

I could just use a little bit more of it.

RELATED: Dear Husband, I Miss You But I Know Our Love is Still There

Lo Mansfield

Lo is a labor RN who left her patients for her own babies when her first daughter was born and her own mama died. She loves her baby girls and she loved her patients --> right now, she's living in the truth that she can't do both and that is 100% okay. She lives in Denver with her husband and two daughters, writing, mom-ing, grieving, running, and (maybe) figuring it out. You can follow her mama heart musings at The Mama Harbor and at her Instagram

A Medical Diagnosis Challenges a Marriage

In: Cancer, Living, Marriage
Bald woman holding clippers over husband's head, color photo

It is no secret now that Albert Pujols and his wife have announced their divorce shortly after she had surgery to remove a brain tumor. As a breast cancer survivor, this news hit me in a special way. As I was reading through an article from Today, there was a quote that hit me hard, “But a marriage falling apart is far more common when the wife is the patient, researchers have found. A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, I Don’t Want To Fight

In: Marriage
Husband and wife facing away from each other on bed

Dear husband, It seems like every month, we are embroiled in the same “discussion,” which inevitably turns into an argument, and if we go down the well-worn path, eventually becomes an ear-splitting match.  Talking over each other’s voices, we battle it out in an attempt to be heard. The more we try to explain ourselves to each other, the farther apart we push each other. Still, we persist. We want so badly for each of us to try to understand where the other is coming from, but we can’t seem to do it at this moment. You think, If only...

Keep Reading

The Conversation We’re Forgetting To Have About Birth

In: Baby, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman having a baby man holding her hand

My husband lay sleeping, his head resting on a fluffy, down-stuffed pillow in our hotel room. His bag was packed neatly, ESPN was playing quietly in the background, and he had unopened snacks at his disposal on the end table. Our hotel phone rang, and my husband groggily answered, ”Yes? Oh, sorry. Yeah, we’ll keep it down. Sorry.” He hung up and found me miserable and shaky in the shower, the thin shower curtain clinging to my legs.  “Steph, we got a noise complaint. You have to keep it down!” he whispered. This is not how I expected labor to...

Keep Reading

Is Our Love Enough To Withstand the Devastation of Addiction?

In: Marriage
Couple walking hand in hand black and white photo

I lie awake at night listening to my husband’s breathing. He is clearly asleep. I, on the other hand, am wide awake feeling sad and alone. Where did we go wrong? How did we end up here? I look back fondly on those early days when we were madly in love. We couldn’t get enough of each other. It was like there was a magnet pulling us toward each other, insisting that our bodies connect. A caress under the table, a hand on the small of my back, there was always some part of us touching. I felt loved and wanted....

Keep Reading

My Husband Makes Me a Stronger Woman

In: Grief, Loss, Marriage
Daddy standing over hospital crib with infant, black-and-white photo

A little over a year ago, my husband and I went through the unimaginable. We lost our child, Lillian, to a congenital heart defect. The days following that, and even to this day, people will comment on how strong I am. How well I’ve dealt with this darkness. How they can’t imagine what I am going through. The truth is I was never alone. From the day we found out I would give birth to a child who had complex heart defects, my husband has been there. Always in the background of what others saw but ever so present in...

Keep Reading

I’m Mostly a Mom Right Now and Sometimes I Forget How to Be a Wife

In: Marriage, Motherhood

Sometimes it’s easy to take you for granted. Sometimes it’s easy to put my focus on other people, things to get done, places to go. Sometimes it’s easy to assume that you’ll always be there. But sometimes I need to make you a priority. I need to thank you for your hard work, your dedication to me and the kids, your selflessness. I need to ask how your day was, take an investment in your interests, and be more considerate of your needs. The hustle and bustle of everyday life gets in the way and is an easy excuse. Honestly,...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband, Where Did You Go? Where Did We Go?

In: Marriage

When did it all change for you?  When did you stop looking at me that way? You know, the look. The look you gave me when you wanted me. Truly wanted me. I could feel the desire for me down deep in my bones.  When did your smile fade? Actually, I think it has disappeared completely. It used to be so big it took up your entire face. Where did it go?  I remember being unable to keep our hands off of each other. There was a force pulling my skin to yours. It was magnetic. Do you remember that?...

Keep Reading

This Is the Phase of Marriage No One Tells You About

In: Marriage, Motherhood

Before getting married, I remember being inundated with advice. Don’t go to bed angry. Make time for date nights. Cling to your vows. Follow Jesus above all else. I took this as a “heads up” of all the trials and struggles my husband and I would face in our marriage. And while no one enters their marriage thinking it’s going to be full of problems, I understood it was a reality of marriage—a phase that we would go through and tackle together. The wedding also brought on a lot of words of encouragement and excitement. You get to grow old...

Keep Reading

Hardships Can’t Tame My Farmer’s Love For the Land

In: Living, Marriage

Like many young girls in the early 90s, I was obsessed with the Little House on the Prairie books. I collected the books, read them over and over, and even begged my family to visit Laura Ingalls’ house in DeSmet, South Dakota, on a family vacation when we drove across the Midwest.  Back then, I related more to Laura, her parents, and her sisters. As an 8-year-old, I wasn’t thinking about marriage—so the later books when she was married didn’t stick out as much to me. I pictured myself in place of Laura since we were about the same age....

Keep Reading

I Never Knew It Could Be So Hard To Have Sex With My Husband

In: Faith, Marriage

I was brought up in a Christian home and church where sex was never discussed. The only thing I knew was that I was supposed to wait for marriage. Sex was always taboo. Something shameful to hide away and never even be mentioned outside of telling kids to wait for their wedding night.  Now here I am, married for nine years with three kids, and I still feel uncomfortable with sex. I still feel like it’s wrong. I still feel unsure and uncomfortable with the whole thing. But that isn’t what God intended for us. Sex wasn’t meant to be...

Keep Reading